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Hoseheads


Awesome alliteration, agents.

Gazette staff June 1st, 2011

The “Pantyhose Posse” has struck again! We’re sorry, what now?

FBI local spokesman Clay Simmonds told NewsOK.com last week about a fearsome, bank-robbing duo who — wait for it — wore ladies pantyhose on their heads. The pair, sporting their select hosiery and armed with guns, robbed a MidFirst Bank in southwest OKC a couple of weeks ago, and are suspected in two other bank jobs earlier in May.

This reminds CFN of the “Raising Arizona” scene in which a hayseed in a pickup tells H.I. (played by Nicolas Cage), “Son, you got a panty on your head.”

The oh-so-clever FBI has apparently dubbed the robbers the “Pantyhose Posse,” but can two people really be a posse? We’d prefer something like the “Tights Twosome” or the “Hanes Holdup Artists” or, better yet, the “Control Top Couple.”

Anyway, the FBI said the two men made off with an undisclosed amount and that, thankfully, no one was hurt.

But we’ve still got so many questions. Did these pantyhose have a reinforced toe? Were they sheer or nude? Fishnets? Would “(He’s Got) L’eggs” be an appropriate theme song? If they’re going to keep this up, we want some more hosiery details.

 
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