Finally, Something Happens, but seriously, why does the black guy have to go first in these things? This isn’t 1983 anymore.
That’s not the only cliché in which newbie writer/director Stephen J. Hadden engages. Witness lines like "I'm not gonna lose a man on my patrol!" and the old-as-the-hills "There's something out there."
Yes, there’s a creature afoot, and he (it?) does the shaky-head thing like the bad guys in the "House on Haunted Hill" remake and so many horror films since. With 20-some-odd minutes to spare, “Bio-Dead” engages in a little "Hostel" behavior in a hostile environment — “Torture Table Designed & Built by David Novak,” read the end credits, which also stretch the story out beyond a hammer-to-head breaking point. We get it.
Since “Bio-Dead” leaves much to be desired, you can play a drinking game if you watch: Take a shot every time someone says “Jackson." They use it as often as Tony Montana did "fuck" and variations thereof. Come to think of, this one also scores sky-high on the F-word factor.
In summary: “Bio-Dead” looks great, but isn’t good. Visually, it’s an admirable effort for what little they had, but ultimately much ado about nothing. —Rod Lott