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Bikini Girls on Ice


Brrrrr ...

Rod Lott September 12th, 2011

Within seven minutes of the start of "Bikini Girls on Ice," you get a bikini girl on ice. In other words, at least this Canadian slasher flick isn't misleading; it delivers exactly what's promised. It doesn't promise amateur-hour performances and stupid situations, either, but it has those, too, so the optimist in you could say it underpromises and overdelivers.

bikinigirlsonice

Those seven minutes are the best thing about it; the other 75 are really terrible, as if different filmmakers took over, going from sufficient to sucks. The story centers on a way-out-of-the-way, abandoned service station, where everybody with car troubles seems to stop for help, only to be viciously lube-jobbed by the crazed and feral Moe (newcomer William Jarrand).

For the bulk of the film, Moe is kept busy by a school busload of college girl soccer players on their way to a fundraising bikini car wash. With the exception of the lead, who resembles a low-rent Rachel McAdams, they're all stuck-up, slutty bitches, which makes me think debuting director Geoff Klein wants you to root for the killer. So I did, if only because I hoped it might finish sooner. One of the few males in the film seems to be channeling Bud Bundy from "Married ... with Children."

Even horny teenage boys are bound to be disappointed. —Rod Lott

 
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