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Gazette staff February 15th, 2012

As “Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life” informed us, “Every sperm is sacred; every sperm is great. If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate.”


While it’s not hard to imagine the state Legislature holding a special joint session to sing that song with as much gusto as “God Bless America,” it had an opportunity last week to prove how sacred sperm can be.

“Personhood” legislation is making its way through the Legislature. The measure grants all rights and privileges to a fertilized human egg, a move that abortion-rights advocates see as a circuitous route to outlawing all abortions.
But an opponent of the bill, Sen. Constance Johnson, showed real spunk in testing how far into a woman’s uterus the Legislature is willing to go. She submitted an amendment to make it illegal for a man to offer his baby batter anywhere but the inside of a woman.

The amendment read: “However, any action in which a man ejaculates or otherwise deposits semen anywhere but in a woman’s vagina shall be interpreted and construed as an action against an unborn child,” a would-be law that, if enacted, would make every teenage boy’s hamper a crime scene.

Johnson later voted to table the amendment since she was only trying to make a point — presumably that it’s not acceptable to tell men what they can do with their own bodies.
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02.16.2012 at 07:46 Reply

So the sperm only has to be "inside of a woman"?  That's not necessarily going to lead to conception either.  But I do understand the Senator's point, and I know I'd be plenty pissed if this got enacted.  She should have held the line on this amendment, just so men who made decisions about women's bodies get to have the government make decisions about theirs.