1. Punch and/or punt babies or little old ladies.
2. Tell a crowd your first order of business will be to mend your broken heart.
3. Wear a swastika or Nazi uniform.
Anywhere. Anytime. For any reason.
For some reason, Rule No. 3 somehow seems to trip up a depressing number of political candidates. We at Chicken-Fried News are floating a theory that there may be some sort of trickster Nazi out there armed with Photoshop and/or drugging and putting swastikas on political candidates and taking pictures of them.
Why would someone — let’s call this theoretical villain Surprise Nazi — do such a thing?
Anyway, the latest candidate to perhaps fall victim to Surprise Nazi was House District 59 Republican candidate Rodney Hiebert, 42. HD 59 covers parts of Blaine, Canadian, Dewey, Kingfisher and Woodward counties.
The Oklahoman last week published a photo of Hiebert, head shaved, wearing a cross with a swastika in the center — known as the Knight’s Cross of the Iron Cross awarded to Nazi military heroes. The same symbol was on the wall in the background of the photo.
Hiebert told the newspaper that the swastika was part of a Halloween costume, and that the Iron Cross in the background represents “honor and dignity, which frankly is something this country can use more of.”
Incumbent Mike Sanders, R-Kingfisher, was to face Hiebert in the Republican primary held June 26. He told The Oklahoman that Hiebert wore the swastika at the state Capitol when he filed for office.
Hiebert said he wasn’t racist and had people with American Indian ancestry working on his campaign. He added that he thinks there is no need to incorporate more black history into teachers’ lesson plans and that Spanish-language classes should be done away because, “Mexico is a Third World country and Spain is economically folding,” and “I don’t see any reason why our young people need to waste their time learning Spanish.”