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You’re doin’ fine, Oklahoma (by doin’ everything that moves)

Gazette staff October 10th, 2012

There’s no better way around this: Oklahomans like to boink. Shtup. Roll in the hay. Get it on. Bang a gong. File acts of congress. Adjust the horizontal knob. Kern-hole. Unite for the greater good.

Credit: Brad Gregg

You know, do it.

That’s according to a study conducted by the surprisingly statistics-friendly dating site The pole found — oh, excuse us, that’s “poll” — that Oklahoma City is the fourth most promiscuous city in the country. We hit this proud spot because 64 percent of wealthy men in town have seven or more sexual partners anally — oops, make that “annually.”

These stunning findings are right in line with Chicken-Fried News’ long-held theory that the thicker the wallet, the easier the spread. We think we’re onto something here.

Keep on frackin’, OKC, and perhaps we can screw ourselves to the top of next year’s list. We have only Chicago (72 percent); Birmingham, Ala. (70 percent); and Las Vegas (68 percent) to mount.

True, we may pick up a dose of something on our way up, but hey, if our sports teams fail us, we’ve gotta be No. 1 in something! (Or should that be “in somebodies”? High-five, bro!)

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