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Kicking the crap out of Democrats

Gazette staff November 13th, 2012

So, the elections have mercifully come and gone, putting an end — at least for a while — to commercials of political candidates holding U.S. flags, kissing babies and laughing with confused elderly folks.

Credit: Brad Gregg

Let the postmortems commence.

Despite little actual change in the national political landscape, with President Barack Obama holding on to the White House, Democrats retaining Senate control and Republicans holding the House, inquiring minds want to know: How “red” did Oklahoma — already known as one of the reddest states in the Union — go this year?

The short answer, ladies and gentlemen, is super-duper red. As red as the eyes of a drunk on a three-day bender. As red as Carrot Top after being splattered by tomatoes. As red as a baboon’s bare, infected ass.

Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney won all 77 Oklahoma counties, as Sen. John McCain had in his 2008 race against Obama. The state’s only congressional seat held by Democrats flipped to Republicans. And the GOP bolstered its already super-majorities in both the state Senate and House.

The beating prompted Senate President Pro Tempore Brian Bingman to tell Associated Press that the wins essentially put “a dagger through the heart of the Democratic Party.”

The metaphor seemed appropriate.

After all, like the vampires who can be killed only with a wooden stake through the ticker, Oklahoma’s Democratic Party is just a myth at this point — a story told at bedtime to scare little Tea Partiers into believing something is lurking in the closet, ready to take their guns and make them marry someone of the same sex.

With the Republicans now controlling both state legislative branches, the congressional delegation and all statewide elected offices, the editorial board for The Oklahoman, which for months had been daring Obama to win just one — just one! — county in Oklahoma, took stock of the results and declared “Mission Accomplished.”

A Nov. 8 editorial crowed over the ideological purity in their heartland kingdom as represented by the utter downfall of the state Democratic Party and the continued ascent of state Republicans.

“Partisans and pundits insist that U.S. House Republicans should compromise more with the man who won the presidency Tuesday simply because he won. Perhaps the same insistence should be aimed at state Democrats, who too often echo the class warfare sentiments of Obama,” the editorial stated. “If Republicans need to be more amenable to Obama’s ideas because he won, then state Democrats need to be more amenable to the Republican agenda because voters keep endorsing GOP candidates in growing numbers.”

Because, we guess, having super-majorities in both houses and holding the governorship requires such deference, unlike in Congress, which is gridlocked by partisan bickering. Apple, meet orange.

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11.13.2012 at 02:45 Reply

Yeah, everybody agrees on everything. There's no one to say "no," no matter how crazy the idea. It's why Oklahoma has become a utopia, a shining beacon on the hill. Truly we live in a Golden Age when...oh, crap.

Sorry, I just got a flat tire on our nation's worst roads. Good thing there are no street gangs, which were eliminated because all of our poor have been housed, fed and educated. Right?