Friday 25 Jul
 
 
 photo BO-Button1_zps13524083.jpg

 

OKG Newsletter


Home · Articles · Features · Features · 'Rest of OKC'
Features
 

'Rest of OKC'


You didn’t even get to vote on these categories! So we did it for you...

Rod Lott August 28th, 2013

Once more, we not-so-proudly present a handful of additional lists, in an attempt to satiate your need to have everything numbered in a nice, orderly fashion, but not necessarily limited to five slots.

As always, parental guidance is suggested.


5 Best Write-In Comments from the "Best of OKC" Votes


1.
“His voice is like silken butter and he talks about real news.”

2. “The chef looks like Japanese Mr. Rodgers.”

3. “Don’t follow social media... it turns people into scary evil zombies who text and drive.”

4. “I’ve never been there, but I hear you can get mule, which is a real experience for sure.”

5. “This man can withstand anything from torrential downpours of fake eyelashes to rambunctious crowds of filthy rock and rollers.”

Glenn Beck

 

14 Best Excerpts from Some Out-There Letters to the Editor We’re Not Printing

1. “I LOVE prostitutes. They don’t use kneepads. Sadly, my knees are old and tender, and going without kneepads is dangerous.”

2. “It seems like today’s girls, mostly the white ones, have become rowdy — not feminine, not dates some young, handsome guy would want to take to a movie or dinner or church or home to share his life. Cocaine snorters — tramp stamp tattoos — now they are joining the army and carrying machine guns, wanting to kill someone and smoke a cigarette.”

 3. “One of her bizarre flipped-out actions was to text a photo of her crotch to another man and tell him ‘Ride This Cowboy.’ Some girls flip out.”

4. “My name at birth is Dwight David Eisenhower Junior. I am the son of President Eisenhower. And I am here to get public support. For an Act of Congress. To get my dad’s DNA. And compare it with my own. And he lies. In the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. But I also want to stop the tornadoes that have been around for sixty years. I will walk into one. Even an F-5 isn’t safe from me. It will disappear.”

5. “Governor Fallin has done an excellent job from the onset and continues to do so. It irritates me when some hack trys to gainsay her. Besides, I think she’s pretty hot and would really like to meet her just as a friend — I do realize she’s married.”

6. “I recently bought some miniature locks that can be used on small toolboxes and/or suitcases and such. They are made by a famous well-known lock company (American). My question is how did T.S.A. get keys to these locks and who gave them permission to open suitcases without the owner’s permission? I believe there is a story here if you wish to pursue it.”

7. “It’s 4:00 a.m., and I just woke up from a dream in which 7 angels were whispering all of this in my ear. I thought it was a good idea to pass it on.”

8. “I fell for that ‘Here’s a gun. . . Now blow your brains out with it’ trick when the government shut off my outgoing email daemon. I asked President Obama to turn my email daemon back on, but he appears to be in the midst of a list of Watergate cover ups.” 

9. “In this week’s edition of the Oklahoma Gazette, I see a pic of you with a stone-tipped spear. I am a flintknapper (i.e., I chip arrowheads out of stone). I am curious. Where did you get the stone spear point?”

10. “My wife and i are going to be sell bratten are 25wedding anv. But i can’t find a hotel or inn that offers a whirlpool, hot tub, jacuzzi tub in the room that will hold 2 people in it. Can you help me make the night special for us.”

11. “I belive your paper wrote giving candy. Wrong there was know candy what so every.”

12. “I always enjoyed reading the Oklahoma Gazette, along with my family, but after reading the ignorant remarks about Glenn beck, I nor my family, friends, and any others I can get the word out to, we will no longer, or ever in the future read your paper, it is a tragedy”

13. “GLOBAL WARMING IS A FRAUD. Consider the following facts that are true. These are reasonably real numbers, but may vary slightly. I have five technical science degrees inclusive of a B.S. in Mathematics, Electrical Engineering, and an M.S. in Physics. So, I know what I am stating to be absolutely good science. This science shows Al Gore is a fraud. This also proves very important points. Member of Honorary Science Fraternities. The Area of Lake Michigan is 57.757 X 109 m2.”

14. “I AM THE BEST CONCIERGE IN OKLAHOMA CITY"


3 Best Pitches That Were Unsuccessful

1. “Hi. I am trying to have my dreams come true of being a writer of stories. I would love it if it isn’t too much trouble for the Gazette to mention my silly story of finding out how it ends. What if their [sic] was a person with the ability to make an evil person feel, truly feel what had been done to the victims.”

2. “Is there any room in the Gazette for a weekly article, I would love to write about what you can do in okc for $50. I’d like to title it ‘Jeff Blows His Wad’ — yes, tongue in cheek. People are always complaining about OKC and the lack of things to do on a budget. I’d like to enlighten them. I think I could inject humor and information into an otherwise boring publication.”

3. “I am sure ‘epic’ would not be a proper description of the way the stars aligned on April 14th in Oklahoma City. The events of the evening would best be described as, ‘A lesson in Progression.’ America’s Pub was the spot. On a Thursday night in Bricktown, the start of something bigger than one would believe began. Like a student enrolled in a history class at a school for the present and privileged, a lesson in progression happened.” 1 Best Press Release in Its Entirety That We’re Still Trying to Decipher

“The calculated distance from Lake Thunderbird viewing are to the shooting tournament on January 19 is 10.6 miles.”


Into the Woods
4 Best Lines from Our Food Articles That, Taken out of Context, Read Like Cheap Pornography

1. “Well, it overflowed on everything and it was a sticky mess.”

2. “Opt for those monstrous, round balls.”

3. “‪Once they arrived, however, I couldn’t stop shoving them in my mouth.‬”

4. “‪We licked it clean until every last drop was streaming down our chin.‬”



5 Best Local Theater Publicity Photos That Closely Resemble Recent Nightmares I’ve Had

1. Beauty and the Beast, Choctaw High School 

2. Clipped!, Next Stage

3. The Importance of Being Earnest, CityRep/TheatreOCU/ Oklahoma Shakespeare in the Park

4. Into the Woods, Oklahoma City University’s Opera and Music Theater Company

5. The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe, RJM Productions

 
  • Currently 3.5/5 Stars.
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
 
 

 

 
 
 
Close
Close
Close