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2009 prognostications


Ron Black January 8th, 2009

Everyone is doing it and it feels really good. We all love to peer into the crystal ball and attempt to predict what will happen politically in the upcoming year. Your not-so-humble commentator is no ...

Everyone is doing it and it feels really good. We all love to peer into the crystal ball and attempt to predict what will happen politically in the upcoming year. Your not-so-humble commentator is no different, so let's get started and have some fun while we're at it.

Prediction 1: Congresswoman Mary Fallin will announce her intention to return from the cesspool that is our nation's capital and take the reigns as governor of Oklahoma. All of her congressional campaign promises being fulfilled (sarcasm warning), she will show that Oklahoma is ready for a female governor who believes in faith, family, freedom, firearms and football. She will sweep the GOP primaries in 2010 and face either Drew Edmondson or wildly popular Lt. Gov. Jari Askins. Prediction 2: Oklahoma City Mayor Mick Cornett will announce his intention to run for Congress to fill Mary's vacant seat. Again, Mick "NBA" Cornett will sweep the street clean of all Republican challengers for the job and take MAPS for Kids to the playground in Washington, D.C. Oklahoma City Manager Jim Couch will have an Alexander Haig moment and declare from the horseshoe, "I am in charge." Prediction 3: Former Oklahoma City mayor and co-host of the banal "Flash Point," Kirk Humphreys, will lay the groundwork for another U.S. Senate race " contingent upon his defeat of Angela Monson for school board chair. Kirk has a lot riding on this February election because if he loses, his political career will be finished and he and Mike Turpen can lament the lack of "Flash Point"'s efficacy in getting him elected. Prediction 4: Two more Oklahoma City radio stations will change their formats to sports talk because seven is a lucky number. Having five stations with some type of sports programming in Central Oklahoma just isn't enough. We demand minute-to-minute updates on what Bob Stoops is wearing, eating and driving and the Oklahoma City radio market will accommodate our demand for all things Bob. Prediction 5: State Sen. Glenn Coffee will announce his run for attorney general after successfully pushing for and passing the ever-elusive tort reform policies of the state Chamber of Commerce. He will face, and defeat, former Rep. Kevin Calvey in the Republican primary. Prediction 6: Rep. Randy Terrill will make the decision to run for lieutenant governor. He will win the Republican nomination and face state Sen. Kenneth Corn in the general election. Prediction 7: Former County Commissioner Brent Rinehart will receive and accept an offer to work for Marvel Comics where his comic superhero "Morality Man" will be a best seller at the 2010 Youth For Christ convention. Morality Man's super powers include telepathic powers to uncover gay agendas wherever they reside. Prediction 8: Oklahoma State football coach Mike Gundy, fed up with all the coverage Bob Stoops is getting, will snap and challenge Jenni Carlson to a pie-eating contest at the Oklahoma State Fair. He will lose and Jenni Carlson will proclaim, "I am a grown woman!" Prediction 9: Norman will change its name to The People's Republic of Borenville. Prediction 10: The 400-Pound Gorilla, Ron Black, will change party affiliation to independent. 

So there you have it. My predictions for 2009.

Black is a consultant living in Edmond and founder of Wild Oklahoma TV & Radio.

 
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