Behind one of the most visually interesting covers for Showtime's macabre "Masters of Horror" series lies its worst episode these eyes yet have witnessed, in "We All Scream for Ice Cream."
Despite revolving around the tried-and-true horror element of a clown " because all clowns are scary, thanks to "Poltergeist" " and a reliable-enough director in Tom Holland ("Child's Play," "Fright Night"), this hour-long film can't manage to scare up a single reason to merit a viewing.
The unbelievably bland Lee Tergesen ("Oz," "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning") stars as Layne, whose picture-perfect suburban lifestyle is threatened when an incident from his childhood comes back to haunt him " namely, that of the stuttering, mentally handicapped clown Buster, who used to sell ice cream from his truck when not doing silly magic tricks for his customers.
As a kid, Layne succumbed to peer pressure and did a Very Bad Thing to Buster, and all these years later, Buster's getting his revenge. Layne knows this because kids around the neighborhood are standing outside at night, all zombie-eyed and clutching a quarter, which they hope to exchange for delicious frozen treats.
But it's a total snoozer, right down to its witless, predictable end, Buster.