Wednesday 23 Jul

Escape from Tomorrow

With Escape from Tomorrow, one fears the story behind the movie would loom larger than the movie itself. Luckily, that is not the case. After all, it opens with a decapitation on Disney World’s Big Thunder Mountain Railroad roller coaster.
05/06/2014 | Comments 0


William Friedkin spends a lot of time in his 2013 memoir discussing why Sorcerer didn't click with critics and audiences even though he believes it to be better than his previous film, The Exorcist. Now that Warner Home Video has reissued Sorcerer on Blu-ray, we can see what Friedkin's fuss is all about.
04/23/2014 | Comments 0

Broadchurch: The Complete First Season

Welcome to the coastal resort of Broadchurch, population … oh, who can keep track, what will all the corpses? Yes, Broadchurch is yet another British television procedural involving the search for a murderer in a quaint little town, just like the limited series The Fall and Top of the Lake.
04/23/2014 | Comments 0

Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones

Essentially part five in the ridiculously profitable horror franchise, Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones continues the found-footage conceit of the other films. The difference is instead of the scares taking place in rich white suburbia, they do so in a junky apartment complex on a largely Latino side of Oxnard, Calif.
04/23/2014 | Comments 0

Holy Ghost People

Holy Ghost People examines two sisters whose bond is torn — but by what? After her sibling has been missing for more than a year, Charlotte (Emma Greenwell, TV's Shameless) intends to find out.
04/15/2014 | Comments 0
Home · Articles · Movies · Horror · Piranha 3D

Piranha 3D

None August 21st, 2010

This summer, only one movie features Oklahoma City porn starlet Ashlynn Brooke losing her top and then losing her top half. (Well, to my knowledge, as I don't watch porn.) That film is "Piranha 3D."

It's a loose remake of Joe Dante's "Piranha," which was born in 1978 because producer Roger Corman wanted to cash in on the popularity of "Jaws." It worked. Things come full circle in "Mirrors" director Alexandre Aja's version, opening with a prologue that winks back at Steven Spielberg's shark blockbuster by having Richard Dreyfuss essentially play his same role.

Plot? Fish eat people. What more do you need?

Whereas Dante's malicious fishes tore into a camp full of lil' swimmers, Aja's bite the bejeezus out of obnoxious collegians on spring break in an otherwise sleepy Arizona lake town. Sheriff Julie (Elisabeth Shue, "Hamlet 2") rules the roost, leaving her three kids to fend for themselves, or at least under the watchful eye of big brother Jake (Steven R. McQueen, TV's "The Vampire Diaries" and grandson of his namesake).

That all goes to hell when a "Girls Gone Wild"-esque producer named Derrick (Jerry O'Connell, "Obsessed") brings his crew to town for the kuh-raazy weekend and hires Jake to be his guide. Wouldn't you know it "” it's the same time the ocean floor rips open and unleashes a school of prehistoric piranha, whose appetites for blood are as ravenous as the frat guys for booze.

Like the original, none of this is to be taken seriously. Witness the casting of funny men Adam Scott (TV's "Parks and Recreation") and Paul Scheer (TV's "Human Giant") in supporting roles, or "Hostel" director Eli Roth as a wet T-shirt contest coordinator. Better yet, witness the scene in which "” spoiler alert! "” two piranha play tug-of-wear with a dismembered penis "¦ and the winner burps pieces of it up to float toward the audience.

That may have you asking, "This is what 3-D technology was made for?" To answer that, no. British beauty Kelly Brook was what 3-D technology was made for, onboard as one of Derrick's video vixens. Aja lets his camera admire every curve of her curves, including an underwater pas de deux for which bikinis are optional. In fact, "Piranha 3D" contains so many buoyant breasts on full display, perhaps "Piranha 36DD" would've been a better title.

But then, that would give all the gore a short shrift ("Piranha AB+"?), and this has plenty to spill. As long as you're immune to the sight of a co-ed losing her face to the blades of a motorboat, you'll have a good time. The flick is a lot like spring break itself: not at all good for your system, but a total blast. "”Rod Lott
  • Currently 3.5/5 Stars.
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