Saturday 18 May
 
 

The Last Stand

Early in The Last Stand, the small-town sheriff played by Arnold Schwarzenegger says, "It's my day off. Should be a quiet weekend." That's the new way of saying, "I've got one week to retirement," because it signals — with flashing neon and everything — that life is going to royally upend those plans.
05/17/2013 | Comments 0

Texas Chainsaw

One of the most inconsistent franchises in movie history is the one beget by Tobe Hooper's 1974 classic, The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. How does one follow all those less-than-beloved sequels? Lionsgate's latest in the series — the seventh — has a solution: Ignore 'em.
05/17/2013 | Comments 0

Captain America: Collector’s Edition

Not long after Batman changed Hollywood in the summer of 1989, every studio wanted to have the next comics-based blockbuster. I remember visiting Penn Square Mall’s multiplex (as I did often back then) and seeing a poster for Captain America. The one-sheet was comprised of little more than a close-up of Cap’s iconic shield and a promise to arrive next summer.
05/16/2013 | Comments 0

Dark Circles

With the Broken Lizard comedy troupe becoming increasingly broken, member Paul Soter has branched off to write and direct something about as far away as one can get from the likes of Super Troopers and Beerfest: a horror film. Now that I've seen it, I'm thinking maybe he should stay on his own.
05/16/2013 | Comments 0

Die! Die! My Darling!

File 1965's Die! Die! My Darling! under that now-dead subgenre dubbed "Grande Dame Guignol." The Hammer Films production may lack the dueling duo of two twilight-era titans of Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? and the others, but truth be told, Tallulah Bankhead is fierce enough to provide all the fire it needs.
05/14/2013 | Comments 0
Home · Articles · Movies · Drama · Valentine's Day
Drama

Valentine's Day


None February 18th, 2010

valentines
B-movie mogul Roger Corman once observed that any movie could be improved by editing out 15 minutes and inserting a shot of an exploding helicopter. "Valentine's Day" would need to 115 minutes exorcised and the crash of the Hindenburg added.

Directed by Garry Marhsall ("Georgia Rule"), the film follows a group of typical Los Angelinos "” you know, middle-class, drug-free, nonsmoking typical Californians who look like Jessica Alba, Patrick Dempsey, Anne Hathaway, Ashton Kutcher, etc. "” as the courses of their true loves intertwine through 24 hours.

It's all typical TV movie claptrap: Ashton loves Jessica, who thinks she loves him but dumps him anyway, while his best friend, Jennifer (Garner) loves Patrick, who is a heel with a wife and two kids, and when she finds out she realizes that she's really been in love with Ashton all along.
Try sitting through six of these mush-a-thons all running at the same time. Better yet, don't.

Also starring a dozen or so other big names and a handful of little ones, this "Valentine's Day" is a total waste of time. We never get to know any of the characters and if we feel any compassion for them it's only because of the particular actor in the role. The exceptions are pop-music starlet Taylor Swift as an airhead high schooler, in her feature-film debut, and journeyman Matthew Walker ("Stargate: The Ark of Truth"), who provides some much-needed cynicism.

If you prefer sex to romance, see this movie. Afterward, you'll feel like you just got screwed out of $10."”Doug Bentin
 
  • Currently 3.5/5 Stars.
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
 
 

 

 
 
 
Close
Close
Close