Sylvester Stallone not only reprises his starring role as dialogue-challeged killing machine John Rambo, but directs, produces and co-writes this (hopefully) final foray into the Heart of Sly's Darkness. Rambo, it turns out, has been in Thailand wrangling cobras for a sort of snake circus since he saved Col. Trautman from Afghanistan in 1988. One day, some Christian missionaries, including a cutie named Sarah (Julie Benz, TV's "Dexter"), convince Rambo to take them upriver into Burma in his boat, which he tells them is a bad idea.

They don't listen, and they're captured by an evil warlord and made to live in bamboo cages. Rambo and a team of mercenaries set out to find them, mostly because he likes Sarah. If you don't know the gist of what happens next, you probably don't know or care anything about Rambo or his lifelong struggle to stop killing hundreds of people at a time.

Suffice it to say, the lunkheads who like this kind of thing will high-five each other a lot and repress their urges to kiss each time Rambo disembowels an Asian person. R

"”Michael Robertson