There’s snow forecasted. We assume you’re all freaking out.
SNOW! OH, MY GOD, WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!
Or, if you take a deep breath, we’re going to have a delightful snow day tomorrow and a chance to experience, you know, actual winter. As your friendly northern ambassador, I thought I’d take some time to share with you some tips for making the most of snowy weather.
1. Why are you buying milk and eggs? Seriously. If we lose power, what makes you think your fridge will be running? Yes, you’ll be content in the knowledge that you stocked up on “essentials,” but those essentials will be stuck in the fridge, mocking you in their unattainableness and slowly going bad. Which leads me to the real essential …
2. Booze. Don’t skimp. Alcohol has so many cold-weather benefits, and if you do lose power and find yourself slowly freezing to death, whiskey will at least make you feel warm. (See: “To Build a Fire” by Jack London.)
3. Sleds. Not just for kids, sleds are essential to snowy fun. They’ll be in short supply as people rush to buy the few the metro carries, so get out there and find one. During last year’s snow, I found an assortment at Ace Hardware. In a pinch, you can easily overpower a 10-year-old and take his.
4. Get outside and play. Things thrive in cold, snowy weather. Things like penguins, polar bears and Canadians. There is absolutely no reason to be afraid of snow. Dress warm (warm enough that you’re sweating indoors) and go explore — snow makes the world look completely different, and you’re really missing out if you’ve locked yourself indoors screaming about the weather.
5. A tip for dressing: Don’t layer too many socks. It’s a rookie mistake. You’ll actually make your feet colder. One pair of good wool socks (not cotton!) should do it.
6. You’re not “snowed in” unless the drifts reach your roofline. I will not accept anything less.
7. Never, ever, under any circumstances should you go find an empty parking lot and do donuts in your car. I would never endorse that sort of excitement. But if you do, make sure there are no curbs lurking under the snow and (from past experience) don’t drink too much hot chocolate before not doing said donuts.
8. Movies! You’ll be tuckered out after all that outdoor play. I recommend every “Harry Potter” movie (of course I do) or a TV marathon of whatever’s on Bravo.
9. Afterward, don’t talk incessantly about how you survived the storm. There are ex-pat northerners living quietly amongst you, and we will laugh. And if there’s anything you should learn about us northerners, it is that we are stoic when it comes to winter, but very judgmental.
10. Enjoy it!