To paraphrase a character late in The Black Waters of Echo's Pond, anything to get off this movie. From the start, director Gabriel Bologna (The Asylum's 30,000 Leagues Under the Sea) has no real hold on the material; what little there is gets so far away from his grasp that his last name proves accidentally apt.
Once upon a time, the idea of a film being silent, foreign and — steee-rike three! — black and white equated to box-office poison. Then 2011’s The Artist won five Academy Awards, including Best Picture; earned $133 million worldwide; and lived happily ever after.