Despite my earlier predilections, Maroon 5’s performance of The Beach Boys’ classic “Surfer Girl” was actually kind of awesome. I think this was mostly due to Adam Levine’s severe discipline in keeping his shirt on. I won’t defend Foster the People’s take on “Wouldn’t It Be Nice” or terrible band name, however. Singer Mark Foster looked about as petrified as Brian Wilson’s craggy old face.

And speaking of Brian Wilson, I’m just kind of amazed that his voice can still get that high.



Glad to see Adele’s voice survived that vocal cord surgery. I think she’s still just a couple servings’ worth of charisma shy of being a top-tier pop star, though. “Rolling in the Deep” has always struck me as a little bland, even more so after Jennifer Hudson came out and yanked tears out of everybody’s faces later in the evening.



I now give you the absolute train wreck of the evening, provided by Miss Nicki Minaj and a cavalcade of creepily sexualized Catholic imagery:



What awesome justice did Okie Blake Shelton do to the great Glen Campbell? The Band Perry was all right doing “Gentle on My Mind,” but Shelton’s take on “Southern Nights” shined:



Sir Paul McCartney got some guitar-lickin’ help from Dave Grohl, Bruce Springsteen and Joe Walsh, marking the single greatest living advertisement for Viagra and devices used to feather aging gentlemen’s hair in live television history:



Unfortunately, no Oklahoman walked out of the Staples Center with a clear-cut win last night, but Sugar Free Allstars can claim one-20th of an award for their contribution to Best Children’s Album winner, “All About Bullies ... Big and Small!” Said the band in an email, “ AAAAAAHHHHHHHH THE ALBUM WON THE GRAMMY FOR BEST CHILDREN'S ALBUM!!! WE OFFICIALLY HAVE A SONG ON A GRAMMY AWARD WINNING ALBUM AAAAHHHH!!!”

OKSee-approved acts fared pretty decently though as Adele’s lauded album, “21,” cleaned house, earning her six awards. Bon Iver’s eponymous second record earned him the Best New Artist award and Best Alternative Album (you might recall him winning our coveted Album of 2011 distinction as well).

For more info, a partial list of the winners included:

• Album of the Year: “21,” Adele

• Record of the Year: “Rolling in the Deep,” Adele

• Song of the Year: “Rolling in the Deep,” Adele Adkins and Paul Epworth

• New Artist: Bon Iver

• Pop Vocal Album: “21,” Adele

• Pop Performance by a Duo or Group: “Body and Soul,” Tony Bennett and Amy Winehouse

• Pop Solo Performance: “Someone Like You,” Adele

• Rock Song: “Walk,” Foo Fighters

• Rock Album: “Wasting Light,” Foo Fighters

• Rock Performance: “Walk,” Foo Fighters

• R&B Song: “Fool For You,” Cee Lo Green, Melanie Hallim and Jack Splash

• R&B Album: “F.A.M.E.,” Chris Brown

• Rap Performance: “Otis,” Jay-Z and Kanye West

• Rap Song: “All of the Lights,” Kanye West

• Rap Album: “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy,” Kanye West

• Country Vocal Solo Performance: “Mean,” Taylor Swift

• Country Performance by a Duo or Group: “Barton Hollow,” The Civil Wars

• Country Album: “Own the Night,” Lady Antebellum

• Latin Pop, Rock or Urban Album: “Drama y Luz,” Mana

• Jazz Vocal Album: “The Mosaic Project,” Terri Lyne Carrington and various artists

• Opera Recording: “Adams: Doctor Atomic,” Alan Gilbert, conductor

• Traditional Gospel Album: “Hello Fear,” Kirk Franklin

• Dance Recording: “Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites,” Skrillex

• Dance/Electronica Album: “Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites,” Skrillex

• Alternative Music Album: “Bon Iver,” Bon Iver

• Spoken Word Album: “If You Ask Me (and of Course You Won’t),” Betty White

And, regarding Lady Gaga’s rather hilarious and severe snubbing, I will say only this:

That Singletree Productions’ Mark Potts and Brand Rackley are accomplished low-budget humorists is a well-documented truth. Less well-documented (and criminally so) is Potts’ pug, Gizmo, himself a gifted actor who is now a big shot living with his owners in Los Angeles.

Here, Gizmo stars as Rackley’s special lady, who apparently thought that the 25-cent Pug Transformation Machine was a joke. Be impressed by the canine’s gender-bending performance:



Also, be sure to check out our recent Academy Awards feature, in which Potts weighs in on which dog actor deserves recognition.