CFN
Gazette staff
You may recall that when, in Genesis, man was given dominion over the animals, it was so that the beasts could helpeth us till the fields and, yay, that they may danceth under lights and weareth little hats for the amusement of Adam and all his descendants.

CFN
Gazette staff
Oklahoma State fans could not have known that the officiating crew responsible for the blown call in the Sept. 30 OSU-Texas game was auditioning to be NFL replacement refs. Unfortunately for the Cowboys, the bad call in the end zone came two days too late to secure an NFL gig — but it clearly robbed the Pokes of a much-deserved victory.

CFN
Gazette staff
There’s no better way around this: Oklahomans like to boink. Shtup. Roll in the hay. Get it on. Bang a gong. File acts of congress. Adjust the horizontal knob. Kern-hole. Unite for the greater good.

CFN
Gazette staff
Lots of press releases cross our desk. Recently, these titles least screamed “Stop the presses!”

CFN
Gazette staff
When Carrie Underwood appeared in concert in Louisville, Ky., last month, it made the night — perhaps even life — of 12-yearold Chase Kurnick. The enterprising youth attended the show with his parents, and brought a homemade sign reading, “Will you be my first kiss?” Presumably becomes Oklahomans are such nice people, especially in Carrie’s hometown of Checotah, she brought the tween onstage to fulfill his fantasy.

CFN
Gazette staff
Former Oklahoman editor Ed Kelley is being replaced as editor of The Washington Times only 15 months after he took the post. He is “stepping down to pursue new opportunities,” according to a story in The Washington Post.

CFN
Gazette staff
It’s rare one sees a politician use his or her religious faith as a political tool to get votes. And if you believe that, we’ve got a holy burial shroud we’d like to sell you. Act now and we’ll throw in a “Cup o’ Christ” for free!

CFN
Gazette staff
Oklahoma State University alum Brandon Weeden recently got to demonstrate his amiable brand of maturity when Rep. Paul Ryan made an embarrassing fumble.

CFN
Gazette staff
Are you a lush? We’re talking pinky poppin’, glass-swirlin’, varietalspittin’, Corkbin-pic-uploadin’ wino.

CFN
Gazette staff
You know what no state says? “Let’s be more like Alabama.”