By M.S. Patton

A movie theater has 25 rows of seats with 20 seats in each row. If a movie is 121 minutes long and that guy just dodged the bullets of 20 bad guys why are your hands on my chest and that guy is gonna die oh he survived and your hands are still on my chest I wonder what my roommate is doing right now are Kevin’s hands on her chest why are you leaning in the white guy is about to save the racially ambiguous women from the British villain and you dropped the popcorn and sure he got shot in the chest and only needed 10 stitches and this theater is full yeah you guy white dude you save that ambiguous 5’10” all-leg girl next-door librarian and your hand is still on my chest why can’t the 498 other people in this theater see this and oh the British villain has a bomb wow that’s great. The bomb that was big enough to level the entire city is suddenly not when in the river sure that makes sense, and your hand is still on my chest.

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