click to enlarge Chicken-Fried News: Talkin’ trash
Ingvard Ashby

The historically heated rivalry between Texas and Oklahoma football teams began fuming early at this year’s Red River Showdown, requiring officials to intervene and call unsportstmanlike conduct penalties on both sides a half hour before kickoff. Associated Press (AP) reporter Schuyler Dixon wrote that a few players “got too close and started jawing at each other” while practicing punts before the Oct. 12 game, held in Dallas’ Cotton Bowl Stadium, even began.

A noisy pressure-release valve pitting the University of Oklahoma and University of Texas football teams against each other, the mostly annual Red River Showdown (née Shootout), began in 1900, probably in an attempt to keep Oklahomans and Texans from having an actual shootout over who has bigger belt buckles or whatever. AP decided not to repeat whatever trash talk might have led to this year’s scuffle, probably in an effort to keep it classy, but Chicken-Fried News, having no such restrictions, would like to take a few guesses.

“Oklahoma has the world’s highest incarceration rate, while Texas only has the seventh highest!”

“Texas spends $9,015.87 per pupil on education, but Oklahoma only spends $8,097.02 per pupil. We’ll be sure and say, ‘Hi,’ to all your teachers who moved here to get a slight pay raise!”

“Oh yeah? Well, in terms of women’s economic and social well-being, Oklahoma recently ranked slightly higher (43) than Texas (44)!”

“If you’re citing the study WalletHub released in March, Texas ranked 38th in women’s health and safety, while Oklahoma was 50th!”

“At least Oklahoma has legal weed!”

Oklahoma went on to beat Texas 34-27, officially making Oklahoma the better state to live in — at least until next year’s game.

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