Chicken-Fried News: We’re No. 2!

(Madeline Hancock)
Madeline Hancock

Oklahomans are a proud bunch, and we’re especially proud of the progress we have made in the last few years.

We have an NBA team and a fancy new skyscraper in downtown OKC, and food trucks are sprouting up like weeds — portable, delicious weeds.

So how does CNBC reward us for our ascension? By naming Oklahoma the second worst American state to live in. That’s how.

The highly scientific study used several factors to determine which states to crap on, but football and onion burgers were apparently excluded for some reason.

“The Sooner State gets its nickname from the 19th-century settlers who raced there to stake their claims,” the article said. “If the Land Rush were happening today, they might not be in as much of a hurry. Oklahoma ranks among the worst states in the nation for crime, health and air quality.”

You know what else we rank among the worst states in the nation for, CNBC? Liking your stupid study, because it stinks.

Anyhow, CNBC awarded our state just 70 points out of 300, also claiming the lack of local attractions as a contributing factor.

Um, hellooooo? Have they ever been to the Blue Whale in Catoosa? How about the world’s largest praying hands in Tulsa? Yeah, we didn’t think so.

On the bright side, we’re only the 16th worst for toxic chemical releases. So we have that going for us, which is nice.

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