Breaking Wind

I kid. Clearly, there are jokes, fired at a regular, near-rapid pace. It’s just that none is funny.

Consider these random examples:
• A Capt. Jack Sparrow impersonator holding salad tongs asks a group of frightened women, "Anyone in the mood for a good salad tossing?"
• An Edward Scissorhands impersonator lets loose a fart, sniffs the air, and comments to nobody but himself, "Smells like oak with a hint of berry."
• Despite not knowing one another, a young woman approaches Bella at a party and exclaims, "Oh, my God, this house is amazing! I just took the biggest dump upstairs!"
• Bella spends much of her honeymoon on the toilet, writhing in pain: "God, I knew I shouldn't have taken those stupid shrimp tacos from that Guadalajaran street vendor last night."

Yes, writer/director Craig Moss seems obsessed with the human anus and all its functions and uses, thus putting the “sophomore” in his sophomore turn at bat in feature films. This should surprise no one who was tortured by saw his first, The 41-Year-Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall and Felt Superbad About It. (Was I the only one?) More thought was put into that 2010 title than the script, and that’s not an exaggeration.

Other things Moss is obsessed with, based upon the multiple scenes that attempt to yield laughs from them:
• teabagging
• hitting women
• large vaginas

Plot? Not really. Moss gets Twilight look-alikes to wallow through his trough of slop, with references to dog sex, Avatar, the Kardashians, Paranormal Activity, Jonas Brothers and TMZ along the way. The best thing about it are the closing credits, not just because that signals the end, but because it uses footage culled from YouTube on Twi-hards going bug-nut insane over watching Twilight trailers.

I felt sorry for all three principals (particularly Heather Ann Davis, who exudes a genuine Drew Barrymore / Katherine Heigl likability, but a job is a job, I guess. But that doesn’t make Breaking Wind any good, and it’s not. In fact, it’s neck-and-neck with that other Twilight spoof, Vampires Suck.

The DVD includes multiple takes of this film’s Edward and Jacob (Eric Callero and Frank Pacheco, respectively), because, you know, two guys kissing is just hysterical. Right? —Rod Lott