Chicken-Fried News: Call us surprised

Chicken-Fried News: Green gobblin

In the last few months, the obscure local social blog that once graced the cover of this paper has waged an ugly, malicious attack on the very core of our existence.

First, we were labeled uncool for publishing a Wayne Coyne mask, meant to scare the kids on Halloween, on our cover.

Next, we were called unfunny because we wouldn’t let the blog’s publisher appear on yet another cover in a turkey suit wearing that same so-called uncool mask.

Total bummer, man.

Most recently, we found out we’re suffering from a tragic decline of intellect. (Oh wait. The Lost Ogle didn’t write that! It was written by the blog publisher’s former University of Central Oklahoma professor. TLO linked to it because its publisher thought it was amusing.)

OK; that last one is funny.

We’ll admit it. TLO is cooler, funnier and intellectual-ier. Every week, it features a “hot girl” — in a bikini, underwear, ’80s prom dress, whatever — and that’s clever. TLO makes the time to feature its completely original version of the Page Three girl, sort of like how The Sun tabloid across the pond has done since 1970. Now that’s … progressive!

Every year, TLO also holds a massive contest to find the fattest, most tattooed and mullet-headed white people to grace its site, too.

Plus, there’s the biting satire — you know, like fetishes with Gov. Mary Fallin’s open-toed shoes — that shows the level of intellect to which we can only aspire.

You’re on the road to full success, TLO!

With love, from the most obviously mature, intellectually better-er and non-shit-eating-grin-having alternative news source on, well, this block. High-five. Or perhaps we just need a hug.