Fiction Issue: Ambidorksterous

By Jeremy “Will Wizard” Williams

My friends, there is a war for your fandom,
For we all have something we delight in.
They say you have to choose a side
In the ongoing battle of entertainment.
They say that you are either
An Imperialist or a Trekkie,
You can only indulge in
Loony Tune antics or Disney morality plays.
You can read the book
Watch the movie adaptation,
Yet you can NEVER enjoy both.

On one hand you have
One franchise filled with creative
Characters and awesome adventures
But on the Other hand you have
A universe with equally as many
Amazing adventures and heroes.
Between these hands lies my heart
Pumping with nerdcore love of both
Because I am ambidorksterous.

Ya see I can easily Fight in the Street,
But my true Kombat will always be Mortal.
From the first days I could read
I cut my teeth along with the X-Men
As they first battled Dark Phoenix,
But in later years I have learned the
Price of vengeance on Gotham streets.
Since I could walk I have learned to
Channel the Force beside Luke Skywalker,
But after I spent time in the Academy,
I would gladly die in red-shirted service
Of either Captains Picard or Sisko.

I am ambidorksterous
So I love it all!
Manga AND comic books,
Sophisticated sitcoms AND professional wrestling,
Classic literature AND video games,
Sci-fi westerns AND fantasy epics.
I have learned several phrases in
Klingon, Wookiee Kashyyyk, and Elvish Sindarin
In equal measures alongside my
Shiny Mandarin cursing.
There is too much awesome!
So many powerful heroes, villains, and stories...
How can I choose between them?!

I mean, if you put a gun to my head,
I MIGHT just admit that I love one side
JUST a little bit more...
But good luck with getting me in that state,
Because my nunchaku and flintlock pistols
Work well together in close quarters.

To that end:
I am Legion,
I am Exile,
I am Lantern Corp,
I am Cosmic Herald,
I am Starfleet,
I am Sith Lord,
I am Ninja,
I am Pirate,
I am a Street Fighter,
I am a Mortal Kombatant,
I am a Titan,
I am an Avenger,
I am Justice League,
I am an X-Man,
I’m a Journalist,
I am of the Endless.
I’m the Doctor,
I am a Jedi, like my father before me,

I love it all,
Read it all,
Watch it all,

The only problem in being ambidorksterous
Is that my wallet screams in agony
Every time I see something cool.
Because like my inner Pokémaniac,
I gotta collect ’em all.

So wish me Godspeed
And a winning lottery ticket,
Because the comic shop is having a sale!