You know what the British comedy "Alien Autopsy" needs? Comedy. The coroner's report "? i.e. this critic's review "? has found not a single laugh within its hour and a half.

Based on a true story, the film concerns two friends "? Ray (Declan Donnelly), a shifty VHS bootlegger, and Gary (Ant McPartlin), a lowly law clerk "? who stumble into the non-find of a century. While visiting America for Elvis memorabilia to hock at a premium back home, a former military cameraman (Harry Dean Stanton) gives them a reel of an alien autopsy he shot in 1947 in Roswell, N.M.

Opportunity: Ray and Gary smell money. Problem: The film has been stored under such terrible conditions, that it's eaten itself. Solution: Fake it.

Corralling family and friends, they do just that, and cash in. You may recall the 1995 Fox special "Alien Autopsy: Fact or Fiction?" hosted by Jonathan Frakes. That ratings bonanza was the end result of the real-life hoax. Clips of it are shown here, only reminding viewers that that hour was far more entertaining.

Unknown to these shores, Donnelly and McPartlin are considered quite the funny men in the UK, but there's no evidence of that here. Example: A running gag has Ray constantly getting first-class seats on flights, while Gary has to sit in the back! LOL, right? Er, make that zzzzz.

It won't hurt to watch this piece of fluff "? especially considering there's a third-act appearance by the

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