AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): 

I feel much better. Today I underwent plastic surgery for the first time. An intervention specialist over at the Consumer Counseling Center removed 40 percent of my credit cards from my wallet. She then cut them in half and burned them, releasing fumes that sent me spiraling into an altered state of consciousness that revealed to me the steps I must take to upgrade my approach to money.

In that state I was also able to have psychic visions about the nature of your financial karma. What I saw is that you too would benefit right now from expanding your mind and changing your habits in all matters related to earning, spending, and saving money.

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