ARIES (March 21-April 19): 

While reading a crime report in the online version of Northern California's Arcata Eye newspaper, I came across this entry: "A dreadlocked man attacked a lamp post on the Plaza with his mighty fists, punching it while yelling and, in the memorable description of a witness, 'fighting amongst himself.'"

I immediately thought of you, Aries. According to my analysis of the omens, you've been fighting amongst yourself with -- how shall I say this? -- crafty ferocity. I'd be ecstatic if I could convince you to call a truce, begin peace talks, and maybe even begin practicing some crafty tenderness toward yourself.

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