CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): 

Please don't wear a t-shirt that says what I saw on the canary yellow t-shirt of the Japanese tourist at JFK airport: "Sorry, I'm a loser."

I also beg you not to read Ethan Trex's book How to Seem Like a Better Person Without Actually Improving Yourself. It's very important, in my astrological opinion, that you not demean or underestimate yourself in the coming days.

In fact, I'll go so far as to say that you have a sacred duty to exalt your beauty and exult in your talents. Now go read Walt Whitman's Song of Myself, and periodically murmur the first line all week long: "I celebrate myself, and sing myself."

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