Channeling 'Supernanny' 

She arrives in her smart blue dress with sensible shoes, her face adorned with glasses created to provide an increased sense of credibility. Her British accent is disarming at first, but when she rolls up her sleeves and presents her "techniques" for child-rearing, it becomes painfully apparent that she has an agenda: to manage and manipulate the personal lives of the families in the homes she invades.


And, the Oklahoma Legislature is channeling her spirit this year.


Never mind the fact that every two years, the state House of Representatives is in full-tilt campaign mode, and ignore the reality that term limits have served to inflame the inner desire of many to seek higher office. And, of course, the way to garner votes is to get headlines " earned media, if you will. And there is very little the mainstream media love more than legislation that impacts the pocketbooks of the electorate or "helps" our children.


"Supernanny" would be very proud of where we're headed this legislative session. We have bills pending right now such as a scarlet-letter driver's license designation if you have ever received a DUI, a measure that would enlist bartenders to be law enforcement officers.


Or, there is the plethora of bills regarding the "F" word (felony). One bill suggests that if your canine leaves your property and bites someone, causing a mark, that's a felony. The author says it's not a "breed-specific bill," but admitted on the radio that it will "certainly make people think twice about owning a pit bull." But it's not a breed-specific bill.


But, there are more "F"-word bills! This same legislator says that if you are arrested for a felony " arrested, not convicted " a DNA sample will be taken to add to the database, and there is no exit strategy if you are found innocent. Supernanny gets to keep your DNA markers for future use. And these measures, by the way, were authored by a legislator who thought it prudent that if you "threaten" a legislator, that's a felony.


During one legislative navel-gazing séance, the spirit of Supernanny instructed a certain legislator, who had yet to get his face on television or name in the paper, to craft a particularly brilliant piece of legislation that no one with more than 50 functioning brain cells could ever vote against. Why? It is "for the children." Smoking in the car with children in tow? That's a $100 fine.


Perhaps if your dog smokes in your car while your cat is in the backseat, it would be a $500 fine. And if it's a pit bull? That's a felony.


When Supernanny takes over our Legislature, the sky is the limit on personal freedom infringement, and this is exacerbated during an election year. Don't be surprised if you hear of a bill requiring a letter "D" designation on your driver's license if you own a dog or an "S" if you smoke, and, worse yet, an "FS" if you appreciate and support free speech.


Supernanny is here for you, friends. As Bill Hicks said, there is nothing to worry about, your government is in control. Here, watch "American Gladiators." All is well.


Thank you, Supernanny.


Black is the host of WILD Oklahoma radio and television, the recipient of the 2007 Oklahoma Rifle Association's Mike McCarville Media Award, and a consultant living in Edmond.

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