Chicken-Fried News: Asp clowns 

click to enlarge INGVARD ASHBY
  • Ingvard Ashby

OK, we are getting ready to head out on the town. Let us go over the checklist: Did you pack the bourbon? Check! What about the rattlesnake? You know it! Uranium? Radioactive as ever! 

A couple in Guthrie made national headlines when a routine traffic stop yielded all three unusual items, plus possession of a firearm by a felon. 

A Guthrie officer pulled over the vehicle around 11 a.m. for an expired tag, and further investigation revealed that the car was stolen. What better way to tool around a neighborhood in a stolen car than with an open bottle of bourbon and radioactive material?

Stephen Jennings, the driver, was charged with possession of a stolen vehicle, transporting an open container of liquor and driving with a suspended license, but he did not face charges for the rattlesnake or the uranium. Passenger Rachel Rivera was charged with possession of a firearm by a convicted felon. 

According to Fox News, Jennings joked with officers that he was planning to build a “super snake” before coming up with the excuse that he found the uranium rod in a Geiger counter. 

That would be a good excuse if Geiger counters actually contained uranium, but they don’t. They are filled with an inert gas that conducts to electricity upon coming into contact with radioactive particles. 

You can actually order uranium ore — or at least what is advertised as uranium ore — on Amazon, and it is legal to possess non-weapons-grade amounts in many states. Jennings did not face charges for the uranium or the snake because he had the necessary hunting license and it is currently snake season. 

If we start getting reports of glowing snakes in Logan County, we will know who to blame.  

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