Chicken Fried News: Caffeine slinger 

  • Ingvard Ashby

A man we assume was already sufficiently over-caffeinated stole an 18-wheeler Pepsi truck late last month.

The soda truck thief, Steven Allen Hart, jumped into the truck and drove off with it while workers were unloading product from the back. The truck’s actual driver had to jump out as Hart made his getaway.

The man’s girlfriend called police to report her boyfriend was driving the truck around a parking lot and looking for her. Hart later told police they had an argument and he stole the truck to get to the airport. Don’t feel too confused; we don’t understand his plan either.

Once police spotted him, Hart — probably with a fresh Pepsi in hand — led them on a 30-minute chase around Tulsa.

“The back of the truck was still open, and the lift was down,” Tulsa Police officer Jeanne Pierce told Tulsa World. “One officer said he was following the trail of soda.”

“He was just slinging soda pop through every intersection he blazed through,” Tulsa Police Department sergeant Glenn Uhren told KOTV.

Police caught up with the Pepsi truck at a stoplight, where they jumped into the back of the vehicle. Hart, probably still wired on soda, jumped out of the truck while it was still in gear. The truck rear-ended a school bus, which was thankfully empty, and Hart was taken into custody.

Just when it seemed like Hart was coming down from his caffeine rush, he tried to escape from the jail’s sally port, a controlled entry between the booking and pre-booking areas of the jail. This time, officers took him to a holding cell “at Taser point.” Still not content, Hart tried to seal himself in the sally port. Maybe he gave up, though, because getting locked in is kind of the whole point of jail.

Now Hart is being held with a $26,000 bond. Larceny: $1,000. Attempted escape: $25,000. Wasting Pepsi products: priceless.

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