Chicken-Fried News: Deep shirt 

INGVARD ASHBY
  • Ingvard Ashby

Oklahoma often rates worst or close to it in many quality-of-life categories such as incarceration rates, education funding and access to mental health care and substance abuse treatment, but — probably not coincidentally — our state is consistently one of the most reliable sources for stories featured in “wacky news” columns and segments across the country. We exported another “LOL” criminal case earlier this month via the Associated Press (AP) newswire when police arrested an Oologah woman on accusations that she used a T-shirt cannon to launch a package of contraband over the fence at North Fork Correctional Center in Sayre.

If ever there was a time to break out the rarely used “I thought I was at a Foghat concert” defense, this is probably it.

Oklahoma Department of Corrections alleges the package contained glow sticks, airhorns and, of course, T-shirts reading “More than 1 in 100 Oklahomans (and nearly 4 in 100 black Oklahomans) are in prison or jail at any given time, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.” Just kidding, of course. AP reported authorities said the package actually “contained cellphones, earbuds, phone chargers, methamphetamine, digital scales, marijuana and tobacco.”

Website The Smoking Gun reported that the accused contraband-catapulter, who was just released from state prison in January, has been charged with multiple felonies: introducing contraband into a correctional institution, narcotics trafficking and conspiracy. In the words of “Rock and Roll Part 2,” Gary Glitter’s inescapable sportsball anthem, “Dun-duh-nuh-nuh hey!” mass incarceration doesn’t seem to be an effective solution to substance abuse.

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