Chicken-Fried News: Goading goat 

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  • Fried chicken drumstick in isolated white background

In one of those stories that gets picked up by the national news and confirms the refined coastal intelligentsia’s suspicion that Oklahoma is just barely dipping its hairy toes into the 20th century, a goat attacked a police car in Blanchard.

According to ABC affiliate KWBE-TV in Beatrice, Nebraska, a town that seems like it could have its own renegade livestock problem and, therefore, should not throw stones, a Blanchard police officer responded to a report of a loose pony. Because life in Oklahoma is apparently a never-ending episode of Green Acres, the police officer was able to resolve the pony issue only to find that an intrepid goat had launched itself onto his squad car.

The goat, whose name was not included in the report but Chicken-Fried News will now call Wilt Chamberlain because of its vertical leap, was removed from the car by its owner. As the officer prepared to leave the scene, Wilt Chamberlain once again propelled himself mightily onto the hood of the vehicle.

“That’s my hood, dude,” said the responding officer, clearly dreaming of the tasty waves and cool buds he cannot enjoy because he is a police officer in Blanchard.

This story went viral on Facebook and then got picked up by ABC News and was posted to a website in Nebraska, a place that despises Oklahoma with every fiber of its cornhusks because of football-induced collective insanity.

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