Chicken-Fried News: Purloined playthings 

click to enlarge INGVARD ASHBY
  • Ingvard Ashby

Hustler Hollywood in Tulsa was victim of a heist last week when a car drove directly through its entry doors and the robber absconded with about $300-$400 worth of lingerie and sex toys.

Police told KOTV that the suspect knew the store’s layout because he ran directly to the section to steal the items. It sounds like it might be one of the vocal critics of the store was too ashamed to go into the business during daytime hours and thought the cover of darkness might make his conscience feel better.

Before the grand opening of Hustler Hollywood in Tulsa, which received a visit from Mr. Hustler himself, Larry Flynt, the adult novelty store received the slippery slope argument from certain members of the community that its location near two other “sexually oriented” businesses would lead to a fully fledged “porno district.”

Perhaps Oklahoma City is to be blamed because the opening of the Hustler Hollywood in OKC in 2014 was the first in the region for Flynt’s company and, according to a company spokesperson, is one of the most successful stores out of the company’s more than 20 locations nationwide.

The Hustler Hollywood location in Tulsa received criticism for its location within a few miles of a school. Of course, the last thing we should be talking about is S-E-X in front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N in a state that is one of seven to be targeted by federal officials for its high HIV transmission rate and has one of the country’s highest teen pregnancy rates, we said with enough sarcasm to break the Chicken-Fried News sarcasm meter.

As schools across the state promote abstinence-only sex education, health officials at University of Oklahoma said they routinely receive questions from students who think Mountain Dew is an effective form of contraception.

In the spirit of actual and proven contraception methods, CFN suggests that Hustler Hollywood wrap its store in latex after closing time to catch future intruders hoping to breach its entrance.

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