Chicken-Fried News: I am the law

Every high school student reading David Thoreau’s Walden has probably fantasized about leaving society behind and living off the land.

Chicken-Fried News: What’s beef?

After Gov. Kevin Stitt signed Senate Bill 392, prohibiting “certain misleading or deceptive practices” in labeling meat products, Oklahoma Cattlemen’s Association released a celebratory statement.

Chicken-Fried News: Gambling problem

Last year, the tribal nations operating Oklahoma’s more than 100 casinos paid $139 million to the state in “exclusivity fees,” according to Associated Press, but Gov. Kevin “Never Count Your Money When You’re Sitting at the Table” Stitt wants to raise the stakes.

Chicken-Fried News: Broken justice

Remember in 2016 when Oklahoma overwhelmingly voted in favor of State Question 780, which allows the more than 60,000 Oklahomans convicted of simple drug possession to seek parole and expunge felony drug possession?

Chicken-Fried News: Red erring

Who knew picking the color of a car could be such a big deal.

Chicken-Fried News: Who’s watching?

The 1.5 million viewers who watched Watchmen premiere on HBO earlier this month saw a recreation of a defining moment in Tulsa’s history and heard songs from the 1943 Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein musical Oklahoma!, but we’re guessing the Oklahoma Tourism and Recreation Department was less than thrilled about it.

Chicken-Fried News: What would you say you do here?

In the 1999 cult classic film Office Space, a pair of business consultants both named Bob are brought in to help a software company downsize.

Chicken-Fried News: Psycho-lactic drugs

The infamous Oklahoma County jail, as most people know, is badly designed, overcrowded and much less appealing than sleeping on the streets.

Chicken-Fried News: Talkin’ trash

The historically heated rivalry between Texas and Oklahoma football teams began fuming early at this year’s Red River Showdown, requiring officials to intervene and call unsportstmanlike conduct penalties on both sides a half hour before kickoff.

Chicken-Fried News: Party crashers

The GOP controls every statewide elected position and body of government with level of domination that the state hasn’t seen since conservatives still voted Democrat (before civil rights got in the way) and Oklahoma was part of the Solid South. 

Chicken-Fried News: Dog did it

Is “the dog shot me” the adult version of “my dog ate my homework"?

Chicken-Fried News: Secretive Sooners

Add “Black Hole” to the list of names people call the University of Oklahoma (OU) board of regents — right next to “corrupt,” “failures” and probably a less appropriate type of hole.

Chicken-Fried News: Fuzzy Math

We here at Chicken-Fried News would calculate that Oklahomans are as good at math as just about anybody.

Chicken-Fried News: Nobamacare

State Question 802 would allow voters to decide whether Oklahoma will finally accept the Medicaid expansion authorized by the Affordable Care Act, aka Obamacare, but in order to get it on the ballot in 2020, organizers have until 5 p.m.

Chicken-Fried News: Dr. Roboto

A new high-tech way to go to the dentist is here, and it will either terrify you or encourage you to finally visit your dentist.

Chicken-Fried News: Bittersweet release

The sweet taste of freedom quickly soured like an unripe cherry for an Oklahoma City man last week after he led police on a high-speed chase just hours after being released from prison.

Chicken-Fried News: Church in state

Fresh off his, uh, “win” in the historic opioid trial, Oklahoma attorney general Mike Hunter is now leading a fight against the Montana Supreme Court.

Chicken-Fried News: Mullet over

When a reporter asked a flippant question about recently deceased oil billionaire T. Boone Pickens during a teleconference interview last month, Oklahoma State football coach Mike Gundy wasn’t having it.

Chicken-Fried News: Free the nipple

A ruling out of the 10th Circuit Court of Appeals in Denver has set a precedent that is sure to result in a lot of pearl-grabbing while screaming, “Won’t somebody please think of the children.”

Chicken-Fried News: Coffin dwelling

To most introverts, spending 30 hours alone with no connection to the outside world might sound like a dream come true — especially if you get paid $600 once it’s all said and done.

Chicken-Fried News: Game changer

In news that’s guaranteed to get Grandpa started on a, “These damn kids nowadays with their purple hair and their Pokermans [sic]” rant, Oklahoma City University’s new E-Sports team, which held tryouts on Sept. 14, gives students the chance to play video games competitively against teams from other schools.

Chicken-Fried News: Righteous Gateway

As The Righteous Gemstones — the series meant to satirize the hypocrisy of powerful megachurches — is in the middle of its run on HBO, real life is proving to be just as absurd as the television show.

Chicken-Fried News: Wing stop?

A continuing city council squabble over a planned public art installation in Enid might mean the work remains incomplete after more than two years of construction.

Chicken-Fried News: Convenient narrative

If you, an average person, decided to leave your job without providing two weeks notice, which would give the former employer the ability to adequately find a replacement, would you expect them to roll out the red carpet if you returned on a business meeting as a member of your former company’s biggest competitor?

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