Chicken-Fried News: Borderline idiocy

U.S. Sen. Jim Inhofe has spent most of his life on Earth trying to outlive the planet, mostly by advocating anti-environmental, pro-industrial legislation that would hasten its transformation into a gaseous, toxic space pustule.

Chicken-Fried News: Mullin it over

Conservatives were quick to share the response from Cherokee Nation after U.S. Sen. Elizabeth Warren, D-Massachusetts, an Oklahoma native, shared her DNA results in her bizarre feud with President Donald Trump.

Chicken-Fried News: Good night, Princess

An Okie-bred animal has done it again.

Chicken-Fried News: Okie Whitey

In one of those bizarre twists that only further proves that every weird story in Americana can be traced to include Oklahoma, James “Whitey” Bulger — one of the country’s most infamous crime bosses — will likely take his final breaths in Oklahoma, the same state where his syndicate of gangsters committed crimes that sent him on the lam for 16 years.

Chicken-Fried News: Pence on fire

Many ages ago when, as J.R.R. Tolkien wrote in The Hobbit, this ancient planet was not quite so ancient, the editor-in-chief/Sauron of Chicken-Fried News received his high school diploma during a mostly dignified ceremony at Tulsa’s Mabee Center, the flying saucer-shaped mini-colossus on the southwest corner of Oral Roberts University.

Chicken-Fried News: Nowata, no supplies

On the list of crimes committed by a county sheriff in Oklahoma, embezzling $6,000 worth of donated school supplies is relatively low, but it made headlines last week.

Chicken-Fried News: Cam scam

Smile for the camera!

Chicken-Fried News: Free enterprise

For anyone who grew up taking field trips to Enterprise Square USA — the interactive museum designed to be a glorification of free enterprise in the face of evil communism at the height of the Cold War — on the campus of Oklahoma Christian University knows that the market dictates laissez-faire economics.

Chicken-Fried News: Stitt show

As grizzled veterans of election coverage, the Chicken-Fried News War Room analysts know that endorsements during political campaigns are hard-fought and sometimes make about as much sense as the last skit on any given Saturday Night Live episode.

Chicken-Fried News: Beer brawling

Chicken-Fried News knows what it’s like to be deprived of a frosty one.

Chicken-Fried News: Airplane drunk

In Oklahoma City, we tend to arrest drunk people on the ground.

Chicken-Fried News: Okie limeades

Oklahoma news that almost broke the internet this week was the sale of Oklahoma headquartered company Sonic.

Chicken-Fried News: Space corn

If they aren’t here already, serving us lattes and getting us sugared up and happy before they rip off their skin masks, unhinge their jaws and swallow us whole, the aliens who descend from the heavens will be looking for a sign that we’re not such a bad group of organisms.

Chicken-Fried News: Mayor Mayfield

With LeBron James off in Los Angeles, where he’s trying to mold a cast of cartoon characters on a new team and starring in Space Jam 2, the city of Cleveland was looking for a new unofficial mayor.

Chicken-Fried News: Debbie Downer ... debtor

Jim Gallogly recently snubbed University of Oklahoma (OU) administrators for being in the red and owing a whopping $1 billion in debt.

Chicken-Fried News: Okie singularity

Something as simple as how we get our groceries could make you realize that technological singularity — the moment at which artificial intelligence will surpass human intelligence — might be closer than we all realize.

Chicken-Fried News: Disgraceful allegiance

In a series of tweets and interviews following U.S. Sen. John McCain’s death on Aug. 25, U.S. Sen. Jim Inhofe (R-OK) praised McCain and called him his hero.

Chicken-Fried News: Gentner’s Stitt-slinging

Let’s just call it now: Oklahomans heretofore will think of 2018 as The Year of “Bull-Stitt.” In last month’s runoff, Oklahoma Republicans went beyond mudslinging and began launching pork production-grade super-feces against one another like trebuchet-wielding maniacs.

Chicken-Fried News: Runoff memory

The success of the “remember in November” rallying cry by Oklahoma education supporters that began in primary elections continued during last week’s runoffs as six of the seven incumbents that voted against the teacher pay raise during 2018’s Legislative system lost.

Chicken-Fried News: Ables’ commission

If any Chicken-Fried News team members imbibe on a few hard drinks of brown liquor and we’re not at our respective manors or in the bunkroom at CFN World Headquarters, then we call a cab or a rideshare or get one of the sobriety enthusiasts on our team to take us home.

Chicken-Fried News: Milking it

A company based out of Luther is selling raw milk and products made from donkeys after the company’s owners said that it helped treat their daughter’s rare autoimmune disease. 

Chicken-Fried News: Running (sic) four (sic) govornor (sic)

Let’s say you are a recent college graduate and your dream job is to be a copy editor at a major East Coast magazine or a slightly antagonistic group of anonymous satirical reporters working for an alterative weekly between Kansas and Texas.

Chicken-Fried News: Ballpark petty

A “Bring your dog to the park” night is a common promotion for baseball teams during the dog days of the summer, but last week, the Tulsa Drillers used the opportunity to make the kind of petty event perfect for a viral tweet.

Chicken-Fried News: Final showdown

Oklahoma City is in the midst of a renaissance.

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