Former Sonics' fan weighs in on Oklahoma City 

Now that the smoke has cleared from the settlement to relocate Seattle's NBA franchise to Oklahoma City, "Smoke Signals" screenwriter Sherman Alexie is sounding off on "Sixty-One Things I Learned During the Sonics Trial." The National Book Award winner, American Indian poet and rabid SuperSonics fan was writing for The Stranger, Seattle's alt-weekly.

While pondering the franchise's relocation, Alexie wrote that he shuffled like an iPod through the traditional stages of grief: "denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, and Hall & Oates." He also pointed out OKC is more racially diverse than Seattle.

To save you from reading all 61 bits of knowledge, CFN offers these lil' nuggets of wisdom pertaining to our Big League City:

"44. "¦ I'm not angry with the citizens of Oklahoma City. I'm not even angry at the trash-talking jerks who found my e-mail address and sent me insults, porn, and metaphorical threats to remove parts of my body and place them inside other parts of my body. Instead, I find those Oklahoma City fans to be very cute and innocent. You see, they think they're getting an NBA basketball team."

Alexie cut to the chase.

"45. Well, OK, Oklahoma City folks, you are getting an NBA team, but it is going to be the worst team in the league for the next three years. Over the next three years, your new team will lose somewhere between 160 to 180 games. That's going to be tough for you because, frankly, you don't love the Sonics. You love the idea of professional basketball being played in your city."

Then Alexie talked about how the players might react.

"46. And I have to be honest about something else, too. I like your city. I've only had positive experiences in your town. But I am not a twentysomething newly minted millionaire (and especially not an African-American newly minted millionaire). I guarantee you that the best players on your new team " along with their agents, business managers, and lawyers " are already strategizing about how to get out of your town. Seattle is a gorgeous, cosmopolitan city and we had difficulty keeping and signing big-time free agents. How do you think Oklahoma City is going to do?"

Aw, shucks. Thanks, Alexie, we liked your city the last time we were there, too (CFN Spring Break '99. Man, you should have seen what Bucky the intern did to that orca). 

If all of the big-time free agents haven't skedaddled by opening night, tickets will be available soon for the new NBA team. Local hoops fanatics looking for tix have to wait until September, according to The Associated Press.

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