Not-so-happy ending 

And we mean a massage, not — ahem — a “massage.”

It’s the kind in quotes that recently got one place in hot water with the Midwest City police.

Officers arrested a female employee at Empress Massage who allegedly tried to perform, for a fee, a sex act on an undercover officer, according to KWTV Channel 9.

We guess it was at that point that the woman was bent over the massage table and cuffed. (Not in a dirty way! Get your mind out of the gutter!) MWC police also arrested a massage parlor employee who allegedly offered to take off her top for an undercover cop — as well as anything else, except “boomboom” — for the mere price of $100. Any guesses as to what “boom-boom” means?

The police decided to pursue these compliance checks after reading graphic (and poorly written) online reviews of metro massage parlors.

A review of Empress Massage on rubmaps.com (yes, that’s right - ed.'s note: SFW) lists the services the staff supposedly will and won’t perform. According to the review, blow jobs, hand jobs and ass play are “all systems go.”

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