Our Lady of Perpetual Waiting Room

Don't you just hate it when an unplanned medical emergency disrupts your schedule, delays your plans and generally ruins your day? What was supposed to be a fun night out turns into an extended wait in the emergency room. If only in this era of power-planning and multitasking, we could squeeze the inconvenience out of the ER trip.

Fret no more! Saint Anthony Hospital, has a solution: Make an appointment. Yes, that's right: Emergency room patients now have the opportunity to log in on the Internet and set an appointment at the ER.

After registering online and paying a fee, patients will be seen within 15 minutes of their scheduled time or the hospital part of the ER visit's charges will be waived, according to a press release.

"InQuickER allows patients to wait in the comfort of their homes until their designated reservation time, which makes waiting in line less of a burden," said Joe Hodges, Saint Anthony president.

In making the announcement of the service " the fifth of its kind nationwide " Saint Anthony officials admitted they were affiliated with "The End Is Near" and the "Wait is OvER" billboards dotting the metro landscape. Bucky, the Chicken-Fried News intern, thought they were promoting the "2012" sequel.

Looking for more ways to improve medical care delivery, Bucky is wondering if there could be a real economic opportunity here for scalpers: Phone in, make appointments and then sell the number in line to the highest bidder when they come to the ER. Shoot, he could even set up a futures market where people place margin buys on potential high- or low-demand time slots.
The market could be based on the type of ailment: A kid with a broken leg would be a much higher commodity than, say, a middle-aged man with a headache. Or your wife.

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