From people and places to the Gazette itself covering these last 52 weeks, we once more not-so-proudly present a handful of additional rankings, in an attempt to satiate your need to have everything numbered in a nice, orderly fashion, but not limited to five slots.
Just remember: Be careful what you wish for. Parental guidance suggested.
8 Best Smart-Aleck and/ or Logic-Challenged Responses We Received in This Year’s Best of OKC Nominations:
1. Best place to have lunch: “gopworms”
2. Best sushi: “cattlemans” (lambfries pictured)
3. Best vegetarian or healthy menu options: “yuck”
4. Best meal under 10 bucks: “lowes”
5. Best place for a cheap date: “The back seat of my car”
6. Best dance club: “buffalo wings”
7. Best place to take out-of-towners: “motel 8”
8. Best place to have cosmetic procedures performed: “You’re way too fucking RICH!!, don’t do it its evil”
11 Best Lines from Our Food Articles That, Taken out of Context, Read Like Cheap Pornography:1. “Keep your shades on while you eat, and you won’t see the meat juice spurting out onto your clothes as you attempt to pack this wondrous burger into your mouth.”
2. “No more squeezing on tomatoes or thumping melons!”
3. “‘Have your own testicle festival and pair a couple …’ she said. … Pull on your eatin’ pants and get out there.”
4. “The owners have it hanging, otherwise the servers would be playing it all the time.”
5. “Sausage comes in every shape, size and flavor.”
6. “All right, so you worked hard and took off that holiday weight. Good! That means that you can chomp on some nuts.”
7. “After a couple of bites your breathing gets labored.”
8. “A woman at the table next to us was shrieking with delight every few minutes.”
9. “(It) slaps that sucker in between a 12-inch bun.”
10. “They are yet undecided on whether a ‘special sauce’ will be offered but hope to satisfy people with their particular desires.”
11. “They’re whipping out wieners in Bricktown … 5 p.m. to 2:30 a.m. every Thursday through Sunday.”
8 Best Lines from Some Out-There Letters to the Editor We’re Not Printing:1. “This happening, especially on weekends and also during Sparks America Bike Week when multitudes of unknowing out of town visitors are fleeced by gun and badge, of their monetary possessions that you dare not question their treatment of these passerby travelers stopped in this small town or a ‘Mayberry’ RFD, shaky handed ‘Barney’ type will readily pull his gun and demand, that you move on down the road.”
2. “I could not believe it, there she was in shorts and a tight blouse, wanting me to wash and lube her car ($2.50).”
3. “Now that the GOVERNMENT has more or less forced HIGH DEFINITION television on anyone who wants a television set, I want to know why we still see murders, weather and sports (and rapes) on our televisions.”
4. “And if you let 200 more white male homosexual men raise another two black male children in about 50 years the BLACK RACE should be almost gone. FROM A BLACK WOMAN AND I KNOW YOU NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THIS OR DID YOU? AND THAT IS THE WHOLE PLAN.”
5. “I don’t have a clue who that radio sports unenthusiast was — or what AM channel/station I was listening to.”
6. “People will come to Okla. so they can ‘hunt humans.’ Every NUTCASE in Oklahoma will be out on the streets and in the stores WITH A GUN! ARE YOU NUTS??”
7. “Simply put ‘Chung Li’ was the head of the world’s largest and wealthiest criminal network. The MSM also knew all about him. Did you ever hear the name ‘Chung Li’ other than from yours truly?”
8. “you might as well have made the subhead ‘Welcome to Sodom & Gomorrah!’ (which ALSO would’ve steered the ‘good’ readers away from the article).”
12 Best Completely Gratuitous Uses of the F-Bomb Dropped Within Our Pages by Musicians:1. “It’s a fucking experience.” —Dustin Kuykendall, Left Foot Sally
2. “Some kid comes up to you after the show and asks and you’re like, ‘I have no fucking clue.’” —Josh James, Evergreen Terrace
3. “It’s because I grew up making no fucking money at all in rock ’n’ roll.” —Eddie Money (pictured, handsomely)
4. “We would hide our vehicle, because they always wanted to fuck your vehicle up when they were pissed at you.”—Merle Allin, The Murder Junkies
5. “It’s stuff that I was worried to put into Black Moth ... I thought it might be too fucked-up.”—Tom Fec, Black Moth Super Rainbow
6. “I can do punk, I can do flamenco, I can do mambo, anything I fucking want to do, anything that is ridiculous that pops into my head, and that’s the beauty of The Meatmen.”—Tesco Vee, The Meatmen
7. “But then tattoos got really popular, and you have people coming up to you in grocery stores — little old ladies saying, ‘I love your devil head. What does it say? Fuck?’” —Mike Riggs, Scum of the Earth
8. “Nobody who went to a Mötley Crüe show would say their concerts weren’t just big fucking parties.” —Riley Hahn, Soul Crisis
9. “It ain’t some shit where I got a catchy-ass beat and all you like is the beat and the hook, and you don’t give a fuck about what I’m talking about.” —Freddie Gibbs
10. “I was trying to write another song that everyone loved ... and it was just the most awful fucking shit you could ever write.” —Michael Benjamin Lerner, Telekinesis
11. “My hands were up over my head and I blurted out, ‘Whoa, that’s fucking ridiculous.’”—Carolyn Wonderland
12. “That’s my old shit now. That’s fucked up.” —Ben Folds
12 Strange-Named Sodas You Can Buy at Pops in Arcadia:1. Fukola Cola
2. Rat Bastard
3. Avery Bug Barf
4. Squamscot Maple Cream
5. Avery Dog Drool
6. Blenheim Not As Hot
7. Freaky Dog Grrrape
8. Avery Kitty Piddle
9. Foxon Park Diet Gassosa
10. Rejuvenizer from the Scary People
11. Avery Monster Mucus
12. Love Potion No. 69 Pink
2 Wholly Wholly Ironic and Perhaps Even Hypocritical Expenses from Rep. Randy Terrill’s Campaign Reports from December 2008 to May 2010:1. Alfredo’s Mexican Cafe, $92.40
2. On the Border Mexican Grill & Cantina, $75.70
10 Inquisitive Tweets from @DanGordon:
1. “Going to bed soon, anything I need to know?” Aug. 8
2. “wakeup call requested for 4:30AM to fly back home to #OKC tomorrow, anything i need to know?” Aug. 8
3. “going to #Canada soon, anything I need to know?” Aug. 6
4. “going to bed soon, anything i need to know?” July 20
5. “going to bed soon, anything i need to know?” July 18
6. “going to bed soon, anything i need to know?” July 17
7. “going to bed soon, anything i need to know?” July 16
8. “going to bed soon, anything i need to know?” July 15
9. “going to bed soon, anything @texconway needs to know?” July 14
10. “going to bed soon, anything i need to know?” July 11
11 Songs from The Spy OKC’s Aug. 1 Playlist Whose Titles We’d Like to See Tackled as Topics on Kelly Ogle’s “My 2 Cents” Segment:1. Arctic Monkeys, “Don’t Sit Down ’Cause I’ve Moved Your Chair”
2. Kyle Andrews, “Lazer Tag with Imaginary Friends”
3. Broncho, “Can’t Get Past the Lips”
4. Gang Gang Dance, “Adult Goth”
5. Morrissey, “Action Is My Middle Name”
6. Peter Murphy, “I Spit Roses”
7. The Vaccines, “Post Break-Up Sex”
8. The Real Tuesday Weld, “(I Always Kill) The Things I Love”
9. Stepdad, “My Leather, My Fur, My Nails”
10. Make Out, “I Don’t Want Anybody That Wants Me”
11. Teddybears featuring The Flaming Lips, “Crystal Meth Christian”
And now...Introducing Rest of Best of OKC’s Inaugural Local Theater Publicity Photo Awards!BEST USE OF MULTIPLE ZIPPERS
“Bye Bye Birdie,” Lyric Academy
BEST CHOREOGRAPHY
“Through the Cracked Mirror,” The Stage Door in Yukon
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