TAURUS (April 20-May 20): 

The oracle you're now reading normally has a retail value of $49.95. But because of your ongoing efforts to defeat your defeatist tendencies, and because of your dogged attempts to sabotage your sabotage mechanisms, and because of your heroic stabs at defending yourself against your defense mechanisms, you have earned the right to receive this advice absolutely gratis!

To generate even more free stuff in the coming week, Taurus, all you have to do is learn how to turn around so fast that you can catch a glimpse of the back of your own head, and how to pat yourself on the back with both hands while kicking your own butt.

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