Team Taste Test: Birthday Cake Oreos 

(Greg Elwell)
  • Greg Elwell

Editor’s note: Team Taste Test is an occasional, tongue-in-cheek series on dining by Oklahoma Gazette staff reporter Greg Elwell (and Gazette staff).

Are you completely lacking in willpower? ME TOO! I would make a terrible Green Lantern. But I make an excellent grocery store shopper, because whenever a big pile of weird stuff is put on the shelves, I immediately want to know what it tastes like.

Unfortunately for the rest of the Gazette, my colleagues were forced into the “fun.”

Today’s treat: Birthday Cake (flavor creme) Oreos.

There’s nothing wrong with the classic Oreo Cookie, unless you stopped feeling emotions years ago in an attempt to protect your heart from the unpredictability of life. Then you’re probably like, “Pssh, whatever. Oreos are OK. I dunno. Maybe I’ll just eat this sack of uncooked rice.”

click to enlarge How did the Gazette team like new Birthday Cake Oreos?
  • How did the Gazette team like new Birthday Cake Oreos?

Unlike, say, freshly baked cookies, Oreos are made from chemicals and highly processed “ingredients” to create a singular taste. When you say you want a cookie, you probably mean a real cookie. When you say you want an Oreo, nothing else will do.

The chocolate-esque coal black cookie with Oreo creme filling that is more than sugar, but you can’t place the taste. You can plow through a row of them without looking and then feel a mix of shame, regret and entitlement.

Flavored Oreos, however, are a whole new game. Now that white stuff is supposed to taste like things. And Birthday Cake Oreos taste like one specific thing: Funfetti cake frosting.

“Has that Walmart icing taste to it,” said Gazette publisher Bill Bleakley. “Wish it was as easy to pass up birthdays as it is to pass up one of these!”

How did the Gazette team like new Birthday Cake Oreos?
  • How did the Gazette team like new Birthday Cake Oreos?

“Those cookies tasted like a baby shower,” said staff writer and bowtie enthusiast Ben Felder.

Mint Oreo devotee (and ace copy editor) Brittany Pickering said they were OK, but she probably wouldn’t buy them.

“They're pretty good for what they are,” she said. “I'm not really a fan of funfetti icing or cake mix, but despite that, I like them.”

“Sweet ... very, very sweet ... and cream seemed a little softer than usual,” said VP of Corporate Affairs Linda Meoli.

Staff writer and hat-wearer Christian Wilson said, “I would be OK with my parents not getting me a birthday cake and just getting these.” But he also said, “You know what sounds good? A pepperoni pizza Hot Pocket,” so his opinions have been deemed “insane at best.”

Kory Oswald, the paper's general assignment editor, was very excited about the taste test as he is a de facto vegetarian and Oreos are technically vegan. He was not happy about the taste test after tasting them.

Photographer Garett Fisbeck begged off, saying they smelled like the time his brother tried to drink an entire bottle of birthday cake flavored vodka.

As for my opinion — which is the one that counts — I thought they were fine. They’re Oreos. They taste like the kind of frosting I don’t like on birthday cakes, but in a small enough amount that it’s negligible. More importantly, I discovered they taste great/melt instantly when dipped into hot coffee.

That’s right, guys — these are basically a breakfast food.

Do you have any junk food you’re afraid to try because it might be too delicious? Send your suggestions to gelwell@okgazette.com and I will needlessly torture my coworkers with it.

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