Vampires 

This mockumentary follows a vamp family in Belgium who feeds on the blood of humans, despite finding the species to be "minimally sophisticated animals." They live by an inane "Vampire Code," like only those with kids can own a house.

Our clan has two, including a pouty teen girl who complains to her father, "I keep filing my teeth and they keep growing back again." If that sounds like a joke that's too obvious, prepare yourself for an hour and half of 'em, like the parents gifting their daughter a pink coffin. Yuk-yuk.

Not only is the movie not funny, it's also not logical within its own world, like when the wife takes to the filmmakers' boom mic like a cat to string. Is she a vampire or mentally handicapped? Even the '70s' senseless "Old Dracula" makes more sense.

Want funny with your fright? Rent "Tucker and Dale vs. Evil" instead. At least then you'll laugh.  —Rod Lott

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Rod Lott

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