War 

Reviewer's grade: D-

 

Jet Li and Jason Statham are two reasons I go to the movies. But in times of "War," neither exudes the charisma or chops they regularly deliver. Why either was attracted to this clunky, senseless script by two newbies (one of whom is a personal trainer) is as big a cinematic mystery right now as that trailer to the untitled "J.J. Abrams destroys New York" movie the Internet is all abuzz about.

 

Statham is an FBI agent tracking the face-changing assassin who killed his partner; Li is that barely speaking killer who's apparently so devious that he goes by the name of Rogue. For nearly an ungodly two hours, the former chases the latter, and either Li scampers away or Statham inexplicably lets him go.

 

Then at the end, they finally fight, but by then, your brain already has been beaten into a stupid-movie coma. You're not missing anything, as their big scene lasts a tad longer than an orgasm. If your friends attempt to deploy you into "War," it's best to go AWOL. R

 

"?Rod Lott 

 

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