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Food and Drink Features
 

Fair play


We ate our way through the Oklahoma State Fair. So you don’t have to. (But we know you will.)

Matt Carney, Rod Lott, Jenny Coon Peterson September 21st, 2011

We passed through the gates of the Oklahoma State Fair with empty stomachs and one goal: Eat. Eat it all. Fried. On a stick. Covered in bacon. Fried a second time.

Four hours, 22 booths and about 10,000 calories later, we finished our odyssey of fair food. We may never eat again, but you can!

The state fair continues through Sunday. Put on your eatin’ pants and join us.

PIECE OF CAKE!
Judging by the fervor for fair food, I think we’re missing a passage from the Bible. I’ll go ahead and paraphrase for God on this one: And lo, ye shall put that bacon in the fryer and it shall be yummy. And woe to ye who passeth up thy side of ranch dressing.

During hours of working our way through the food of the fair, we tried bacon in its many and varied forms, including rolled into a maple cinnamon bun with bacon bits sprinkled on top. I honestly think Rod Lott considered pushing kids out of the way for that one. (And he’s not the only one: Sweet Shop’s bacon cinnamon roll won best sweet during the food vendors’ competition.)

My favorite find, however, had to be Kimmy’s Cupcakes. I tried the “hot dog” cupcake that, thankfully, was wiener-free. Instead, it was a vanilla cupcake “bun” hugging a chocolate frosting “dog” with vanilla “mustard” on top.

Was it on a stick and deep-fried?

No. But Kimmy’s confections were adorably creative — and tasty! — and a stop at that booth is a must. —Jenny Coon Peterson

TASTING THE TESTES
Somewhere out there, somebody’s bucket list contains the line item “ingest a turkey’s testicles.” Not mine — I have no bucket list, but if I did, that now would be checked off. Thanks, Fire and Ice Concessions!

Without fail, the fair plays host to some rather interesting items, and not all of them originally meant for sexual reproduction on the farm. For  example, Nitro Ice Cream claims it has the smoothest ice cream around. That’s because the machine in which it’s birthed utilizes liquid nitrogen (the stuff Jason Voorhees uses to shatter a woman’s face in “Jason X”) and spins it around at that fast and furious speed of 350 mph, yet somehow doesn’t kill people. After being put in a freezer to warm it — yes, to warm it — the scoops make for a tantalizing taste of sweets and science. Pizza on a stick sounds like a lazy cop-out, but Swain’s Fine Foods’ offering of such is as big as a swollen foot, stuck on a piece of wood somewhere between a paint stirrer and a paddle used for corporal punishment. But the taste is all rewards of pepperoni, sausage and enough stringy cheese to stop the monorail, should it go all “Unstoppable.”

Speaking of unstoppable, Roadhouse Concessions’ Italiano Fire Sticks — just imagine everything Italian rolled into one and covered in red breading — are like a log of spice with a time-release system. —Rod Lott


GETTING SAUCED

With the surname Carney, I’ve always prided myself on my ability to metabolize even the most feared foodstuffs my deranged people can concoct. But this year’s Oklahoma State Fair boasted a spread thateven a Sooner offensive lineman couldn’t scoff at.

I don’t know if it’s physically possible to weep tears of bacon-flavored maple cinnamon frosting, but that’s what my body felt like doing when it sniffed the hot sauce from Harvell’s Ragin’ Cajun chicken on a stick. Somehow spicy without sacrificing any of its savoriness, the sauce dripped its way right down my throat and straight into my heart.

Also wonderful was the steak on a stick from Dean O Foods, which I chewed with delight. But if you’re looking for something crunchy and sweet, I’d recommend the Frenchee fried cheesecake from Topper Concessions, with its flaky crust, dripping cherry sauce and powdered sugar. Year in and year out, my family does junk food right. —Matt Carney

 
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