That poor schmo left kneeling awkwardly is Patrick Moote, a Los Angeles actor/comedian who later found out that his girlfriend wouldn’t accept his marriage proposal for one teeny-tiny reason: his penis. As in, it’s too small. Until her admission, Moote wasn’t aware of his deficiency, so he instantly joined one of the 2 billion men […]
Rod Lott
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Escape from Tomorrow
With Escape from Tomorrow, one fears the story behind the movie would loom larger than the movie itself. Luckily, that is not the case. After all, it opens with a decapitation on Disney World’s Big Thunder Mountain Railroad roller coaster. For those who don’t know, much of Escape from Tomorrow was shot surreptitiously at Disney […]
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All the Boys Love Mandy Lane / Mischief Night
Well, “new” may be inaccurate when we’re talking about All the Boys Love Mandy Lane. Despite being a festival-circuit hit in 2006, the debut film from director Jonathan Levine (Warm Bodies, 50/50) sat unreleased until now. The seven-year wait proves not to be worth it. It’s easy to see why all those boys love (read: […]
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Getaway / Fast & Furious 6
Then arrives Getaway, which put the brakes on Hawke’s streak. The film goes nowhere, despite centering on a man and a car on a fast and furious mission. As a former NASCAR driver, Hawke’s character is tasked with playing a “game.” His wife (soap actress Rebecca Budig) has been kidnapped, and if he wants to […]
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Narco Cultura
Consider the city’s four-year homicide statistics, as shared in the opening minutes of the documentary Narco Cultura: In 2007, “just” 320 murders were committed there. In 2008, 1,623; in 2009, 2,754; and in 2010, 3,622. For perspective, that last year, the city with which Juárez literally shares a border — El Paso, Texas — had […]
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Blackfish
With a month to go, the year in cinema has seen no shortage of memorable screen villains. Loki returned for Thor: The Dark World while Gen. Zod battled it out with our Man of Steel. Consider Khan of Star Trek Into Darkness and the Wicked Witch of the West in Oz the Great and Powerful. […]
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The Seasoning House
Angel is taken to the dingiest of filthy brothels imaginable and watches other young women forced into prostitution with military men who act like boys. She’s saved from that level of horror when Viktor (Kevin Howarth, Gallowwalkers), the pimp of the place, takes a shine to her and keeps her for himself. However, she’s still […]
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The Canyons
New to Blu-ray following a much-buzzed-about VOD and limited theatrical run, the IFC Films release casts a voyeuristic eye on Los Angeles couple Tara (tabloid fixture Lindsay Lohan, Liz & Dick) and Christian (porn star James Deen, Anal Buffet 8). They’ve been together for one year, but their bedroom — and other areas of their […]
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Saturn 3
The 1980 box-office bomb takes place on an experimental research station on a moon of the title’s ringed planet. For three years, scientist Adam (ol’ butt-chinned Kirk Douglas) has worked there to solve Earth’s hunger problem hydroponically, alongside Alex (Farrah Fawcett, The Cannonball Run), his much younger partner — in the lab and the space-disco […]
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Eve of Destruction
A female take on The Terminator, 1991’s Eve of Destruction casts the robot, named Eve VIII, in the spittin’ image of its creator, Dr. Eve Simmons (Renée Soutendijk, the Dutch actress known for early Paul Verhoeven films). Eve VIII also shares Dr. Eve’s thoughts and memories, which gets really interesting when it begins acting out […]