1. The spelling feature of the layout program Adobe InDesign does not recognize “Bieber” as a word. It does, however, suggest “babyish” for a replacement.
2. Bieber employed a full-time “swag coach” to teach the teen “different swaggerific things to do.” On a related note, the U.S. Department of Labor calculates the current unemployment rate at 7.6 percent.
3. He is rumored to have hooked up with Miley Cyrus. At press time, the two sport a similar haircut.
4. Bieber may have left a questionable message in Amsterdam’s Anne Frank House guest book (“Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber”), but he’s not stupid. Witness his statements to Rolling Stone magazine ...
• on his race: “I’m actually part Indian. I think Inuit or something? I’m enough percent that in Canada I can get free gas.”
• on politics: “I'm not sure about the [political] parties. But whatever they have in Korea, that's bad.”
• on abortion: “It's like killing a baby.”
• on abortion in case of rape: “Um. Well, I think that's really sad, but everything happens for a reason.”
5. YouTube allows you to watch a loop of Bieber getting killed on a 2011 guest appearance on CSI, for 10 straight hours. So there's that. —Rod Lott
