Oh, Ryan Walters, Oklahoma’s fearless Superintendent of Public Instruction, you absolutely must run for governor in 2026! Your dazzling track record as the state’s top education official is a masterclass in leadership — or at least in how to keep headlines churning with chaos, controversy and a touch of Christian Nationalist flair. Why confine your talents to the Oklahoma State Department of Education, where you’ve already transformed our schools into a national punchline? The governor’s mansion is calling, and your unique brand of governance — equal parts audacity, deflection and Bible-thumping — would surely make Oklahoma the envy of, well, someone somewhere. Let’s unpack why you’re the perfect candidate to lead our state, shall we?
First, your tenure as Secretary of Education and now Superintendent has been nothing short of transformative. Under your watchful eye, Oklahoma’s public schools have soared — straight to 48th or 49th in national rankings, depending on which dismal report you squint at. That’s not just consistency; it’s a legacy! While other states waste time on frivolous pursuits like teacher retention or student literacy, you’ve kept our schools laser-focused on the real priorities: culture wars and viral soundbites. Who needs algebra when you can mandate Bible studies or churn out videos praying for President Trump? Your ability to preside over this educational freefall while maintaining a straight face is gubernatorial gravitas at its finest. Run, Ryan, run.
Of course, your ethical compass is another reason you’re destined for higher office. The Oklahoma Ethics Commission, those nitpicky sticklers for rules, found you guilty of multiple campaign finance violations during your 2022 superintendent race. Fined $18,300 for infractions like accepting over-the-limit donations, you shrugged it off with the finesse of a seasoned political Houdini, settling without admitting liability. Why bother with transparency when you can pay a fine and move on? Such nonchalance in the face of accountability is exactly what Oklahoma needs in a governor. Imagine the possibilities: a state budget balanced by creative accounting and a campaign funded by mystery donors. You’ve already got the playbook.
Then there’s your stewardship of federal grant funding, a saga so murky it deserves its own Netflix docuseries. As Secretary of Education, you oversaw the disbursement of nearly $40 million in pandemic relief funds, only for audits to reveal money spent on Christmas trees, TVs and kitchen appliances. A former employee even claimed your leadership cost schools millions in unspent grants, potentially forcing the state to repay the feds. Were you lying to legislators about these missed opportunities, as some suspect, or simply too busy crafting your next Fox News segment to notice? Either way, your knack for turning federal dollars into a bureaucratic black hole is the kind of fiscal wizardry that could redefine Oklahoma’s economy. Gov. Walters, anyone?
Speaking of media, your selective press strategy is a stroke of genius. Why waste time with pesky local reporters who might ask tough questions when you can cozy up to Fox News or handpicked allies? Your refusal to engage with anyone but friendly outlets shows a keen understanding of narrative control. As governor, you could elevate this to an art form, holding press conferences exclusively on Newsmax or via pre-recorded TikToks. Who needs accountability when you’ve got a camera and a script? Oklahomans will love your commitment to accessibility — provided they’re watching the right channel.
Your ability to unite — or rather, divide — your own party is another feather in your cap. In 2024, over two dozen Republican House members, led by Rep. Mark McBride, called for an investigation into your leadership, citing your failure to distribute school funds, flouting state laws and ignoring open records requests. That’s 26 GOP lawmakers willing to risk party unity to question your competence — a bipartisan feat in reverse! You even dared House Speaker Charles McCall to impeach you, accusing him of targeting you to boost his own 2026 gubernatorial bid. Such bravado in the face of intraparty mutiny is the stuff of legends. As governor, you could turn the State Capitol into a reality show, with daily episodes of Who’s Betraying Ryan Now?
Let’s not forget the personal scrutiny you’d face in a gubernatorial race. Your finances and personal life, already whispered about in Oklahoma’s political circles, would be ripe for the picking. But why worry? Your Teflon-coated confidence would surely deflect any pesky questions about conflicts of interest or those curious nonprofit gigs with school privatization advocates. A governor who thrives under a microscope is a governor who can weather any storm — or at least distract everyone with a new culture war.
Finally, your Christian Nationalist agenda is the cherry on top. Mandating Bibles in classrooms, creating a Department of Religious Freedom and Patriotism, and pushing for prayer in schools show a bold vision for Oklahoma as a theocratic trailblazer. Never mind the lawsuits or the fact that your social studies curriculum flirts with 2020 election conspiracies. Your commitment to “patriotic education” over, say, math or science is a gamble only a true visionary would take. As governor, you could double down, maybe requiring daily pledges to the Ten Commandments or issuing state-branded “Trump Bibles.” The First Amendment might object, but you’ve never let a little thing like the Constitution slow you down.
So, Ryan Walters, throw your hat in the ring! Your tenure as superintendent has been a master class in distraction, division and dodging responsibility. Oklahoma deserves a governor who can take these talents statewide, turning our government into a circus where the only losers are transparency, education and common sense. Run, Ryan, run. Not because you’d win, but because the campaign would be the most entertaining trainwreck since your last board meeting. Just don’t expect the voters to thank you.
Drew Williamson is managing partner of Red Center Media, LLC, holding company of Oklahoma Gazette.
Opinions expressed on the commentary page, in letters to the editor and elsewhere in this newspaper are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of ownership or management.
This article appears in deadCenter Film Festival 2025.