If that sounds like a familiar trope, how about another? Like, say, a killing on such a spree that it requires tracking via a complex wall map peppered with thumbtacks, Post-it Notes, newspaper clippings. There are more, from scenes of terror that turn out to be dreams, to nocturnal campground “didja hear that?” exchanges. This […]
DVD reviews
Posted inArts & Culture
Camel Spiders
The giant spider invasion begins after U.S. military forces fight a Middle Eastern enemy in an unspecified desert, and not everyone survives the gunfire or, in case of the enemy, the spiders who pull their bodies into caves for feasting. One spider clandestinely crawls into the coffin of a dead American soldier, and upon return […]
Posted inArts & Culture
Strip Nude for Your Killer
The killer in question is a motorcyclist decked out head to toe in black leather, and whose identity is shrouded by a matching helmet. Although it’s not spelled out until the end, we can assume he or she is taking revenge for the woman who dies of a massive coronary in the prologue sequence, while […]
Posted inArts & Culture
National Lampoon’s The Legend of Awesomest Maximus
Joining 305 and Meet the Spartans to compose a trifecta of terribleness is National Lampoon’s The Legend of Awesomest Maximus, which finds time also to spoof the likes of Troy, Gladiator, Braveheart, Alexander and TV’s Spartacus, yet fails to conjure a single good gag. Example: Instead of a Trojan horse, we get a Trojan penis. […]
Posted inArts & Culture
A Lonely Place to Die
In the Australian thriller by director Julian Gilbey (the dreadful Doghouse), five bikers (two couples and one fifth wheel), tummies full of smoked-mackerel-and-egg sandwiches, have just embarked on their high adventure when one hears a muffled cry for help. It’s coming from a pipe poking out of the ground. Digging into the earth, the hikers […]
Posted inArts & Culture
Gainsbourg: A Heroic Life / Telstar: The Joe Meek Story
Gainsbourg: A Heroic Life follows the controversial French singer and songwriter starting in childhood, where his big ears and Jewish genes don’t make for an easy upbringing in Nazi-occupied Paris. The kid hates piano lessons, preferring drawing sophisticated cartoons (some dirty) to music, unless the song is a ditty about cocaine. Those quirks work for […]
Posted inArts & Culture
The Three Musketeers
In this showy but spirited box-office underperformer, the title fighters of Athos (Matthew Macfadyen, Robin Hood), Aramis (Luke Evans, Immortals) and Porthos (Ray Stevenson, Thor) are double-crossed by Athos’ girlfriend, Milady (Milla Jovovich, Dirty Girl and Mrs. Anderson), leaving their reputations smeared. One year later, young D’Artagnan (Logan Lerman, Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The […]
Posted inArts & Culture
Corman’s World: Exploits of a Hollywood Rebel
A self-taught filmmaker, Corman is famous for three things. The first is for making movies fast and cheap, but not always good. (At the typing of this sentence, his producer credits number 400 titles deep.) The second is for doing so while never losing a dime, which isn’t exactly true, but makes for great hype. […]
Posted inArts & Culture
Creature
It’s not like first-time director Fred M. Andrews doesn’t know what he’s doing — he opens Creature with a page straight from the Roger Corman playbook: bare breasts. I’m not sure why this particular full-frontal female chooses to swim in a swamp, but it means her death by alligator attack. Nearly every turn of the […]
Posted inArts & Culture
Doctor Who: The Robots of Death
Then portrayed by Tom Baker and his giant, 1977-friendly ’fro, the good Doctor and his pretty yet primitive companion, Leela (Louise Jameson), are stuck in a “metal world” in outer space until they can find their beloved TARDIS, which has gone missing. (For show virgins — or near-virgins like me — that’s the iconic time-traveling […]