Freshly graduated from high school and donning custom-made “Pussay Patrol” T-shirts, the four venture to the coastal Crete town of Malia for two weeks of constant drinking and, with luck, shagging. As uninspired as that setup is, it allows England to prove it can make teen comedies as unfunny as we Americans. As one expects, […]
Lionsgate
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Dredd
In this case, Dredd succeeds where the 1995 Sylvester Stallone vehicle Judge Dredd did not: ringing true to the roots and spirit of the UK-based comic — an anarchic, dystopian world. In doing so — you’re not missed, Rob Schneider — the action’s just way better, too. Set in a future U.S., some 800 million […]
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Bigfoot County
In li’l ol’ Siskiyou County, Calif., Bigfoot has been sighted 913 times in the last 25 years — so states the opening crawl of this found-footage film. Although the sought target is different, Bigfoot County copies The Blair Witch Project story template to a near T, what with sticks, tent rattling, heavy breathing at night […]
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A Vampire’s Tale
After unpacking his prized oldest obsidian mirror, Jacob inadvertently allows a time-traveling cowboy to cross over into our world, landing right smack in his barn. The cowboy, Phelan (Jonnie Hurn, The Zombie Diaries), is actually a hundreds-year-old vampire, not to mention one who makes references to The Shining, Army of Darkness and, um, City Slickers. […]
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The Ghostmaker
A little research reveals it was built by an inventor of torture devices — a man considered “an evil version of Leonardo da Vinci. They called him the Devil’s Craftsman.” The coffin is a “ghost machine” constructed to allow its users to safely experience the sensation of death without actually dying. One goldfish test later, […]
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Hostel / Hostel: Part II
From 2005, Hostel drops three collegians into Amsterdam for a debauched vacation of pot and poon, only to accidentally become victims in a bizarre business in which the wealthy pay big bucks to torture the kidnapped in an underground warehouse. Roth spares nothing, leaving viewers to cringe at every slice of the Achilles tendon, snipped […]
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The Revenant
I was reminded of this by the trailer for The Revenant, which touts the zombie comedy as coming from “visionary filmmaker” Kerry Prior. If he’s so visionary, why wasn’t his film given a wide theatrical rollout? Why did it take three years for the 2009 production to hit video? And why does it bear so […]
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Safe
Meanwhile, former cage fighter Luke Wright (Jason Statham, The Expendables 2) is on the brink of suicide after his wife was killed by the Russian mob when he didn’t throw a fight. He’s given purpose when he sees Mei being pursued by bad guys, and he steps in to save her. She’s wanted because of […]
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Total Recall: Mind-Bending Edition
Join him, won’t you? Before the Colin Farrell/Kate Beckinsale remake opens next week, take a return trip to the 1990 blockbuster with Lionsgate’s new “Mind-Bending Edition” on Blu-ray. And if you’ve never seen the sci-fi hit, then — to quote another character — “Get ready for a surprise!” (Oh, there are more classic lines to […]
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The Switch
Its setup certainly makes this not your average, ordinary rom-com, even if it did extrordinarily below-average biz at the box office: Nearing middle age and still spouseless, Kassie (Jennifer Aniston) wants a baby, so she decides to be artificially inseminated, but her longtime friend (and one-time flame) Wally (Jason Bateman) can’t bear the thought of […]