God bless the great state of Oklahoma and greetings from West Hollywood!
Oklahoma’s election season is finally approaching the finish line. It’s been so ugly the Oklahoma Department of Tourism is changing its slogan to “Oklahoma is OK … Depending on who you ask.”
Republican Mike Mazzei has campaigned hard to portray himself as both a fiscal conservative and still compassionate. His healthcare policy plan states that if you like your doctor, you may caddy for them on Wednesdays.
Mazzei said he would run Oklahoma like a business, which is brave talk when the nation is $40 trillion in debt. That’s $40,000,000,000,000! America hasn’t been attacked by so many zeroes since Pearl Harbor. But don’t get me wrong, I’d run Oklahoma like a business too—waiting until no one was looking and burning it down for the insurance money.
Mazzei says he plans to make Oklahoma prosperous, but he cannot compete with the “Hamilton Plan,” which combines last summer’s heat with October’s rainfall. We will forget about marijuana, start growing cocoa bushes and start making some real money, especially with direct flights to Los Angeles!
Cyndi Munson is running a surprisingly strong race, and she’s probably too young to know how federal judge Luther Bohanon ran all the southern Democrats over to the Republican Party with his school busing rulings in the 1960s. I have an idea for Cyndi to even the score.
The night before the election, she should go on Tulsa TV and remind Republicans all over Little Dixie that it was Henry Bellmon who lowered the Confederate flag at the state Capitol. This will assuredly cause her to carry Eastern Oklahoma on election day.
The Oklahoma Freedom Caucus is proudly proclaiming its mission statement as standing for Liberty. They are like the national chapter, just without the sex scandals. It’s possible to take too many liberties with some people, especially with Flock cameras watching you.
President Trump really enjoyed himself in Durant. I think he carried Oklahoma’s 77 counties all three times he ran for President. I just don’t understand why he has to speak behind bullet proof glass on stage. Just because he’s a New Yorker doesn’t mean he’s going to shoot somebody. Trump himself has been shot at so many times, you would think he was the President of Death Row Records.
Signing off for now, Oklahoma, it’s been great to be back with you. Hope to perform back there for you soon. I’m still in mourning over the football season my beloved alma mater is having. Only the Iranian missile program has suffered more interceptions this fall. My thanks to the Oklahoma Gazette and Red Center Media for bringing me back. Meanwhile, follow me on Instagram or catch my act live at The Comedy Store in West Hollywood.
Instagram @argushamilton
This article appears in Fall Flavors.