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GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

One doesn’t discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time, wrote French author Andre Gide. I’m guessing that 2009 was a time when you embarked on such a search, Gemini — a half-blind, groping exploration that asked you to leave the past behind without knowing where the […]

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PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

I wish you could aim tachyon particles through an inverted positronic array while simultaneously modulating synaptical relays through an anti-matter torque-buffer. This would bend the space-time continuum back to a point before your recent detour began. Then, armed with knowledge of the future, you’d be able to navigate your way more elegantly through the crazy […]

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GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

It’s time for you to fly away — to flee the safe pleasures that comfort you as well as the outmoded fixations that haunt you; to escape at least one of the galling compromises that twists your spirit as well as a familiar groove that numbs your intelligence. In my astrological opinion, Gemini, you need […]

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AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

In the coming week, I predict that you will NOT experience disgusting fascinations, smiling-faced failures, sensationalized accounts of useless developments, or bizarre fantasies in the middle of the night. You may, on the other hand, have encounters with uplifting disappointments, incendiary offers of assistance, mysterious declarations of interdependence, and uproars that provoke your awe and […]

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LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

My theory is that right now the whole world is in love with you. In some places, this simmering adoration is bordering on infatuation. Creatures great and small are more apt than usual to recognize what’s beautiful and original about you. As a result, wonders and marvels are likely to coalesce in your vicinity. Is […]

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ARIES (March 21-April 19)

Shakespeare got modest respect while he was alive, but his reputation as a brilliant bard didn’t gel right away. It wasn’t until almost 50 years after he died that anyone thought his life and work were notable enough to write about. By then, all his colleagues and compatriots were gone, unable to testify. He himself […]

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CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

It’s a good time to take inventory of all the stories you allow to pour into your beautiful head. Do you absorb a relentless stream of fear-inducing news reports and violent movies and gossipy tales of decline and degeneration? Well, then, guess what: It’s the equivalent, for your psyche, of eating rotting bear intestines and […]

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TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

You are the lord of all you survey! I swear to God! I’m almost tempted to say that you now have the power to command whirlwinds and alter the course of mighty rivers! At the very least you will be able to mobilize the ambition of everyone you encounter and brighten the future of every […]

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PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

Congrats on your growing ability to do more floating and less thrashing as you cascade down the stream of consciousness. I think you’re finally understanding that a little bit of chaos isn’t a sign that everything’s falling apart forever omigod the entire planet’s crashing and evil is in ascension . . . but rather that […]

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